While you were asleep: Brexit’s new Toblerone, Dreamride ride to close, Palace asks subjects to be nice

Approx Reading Time-10I’m out of jam. Sigh. What happened while you were asleep? Well, Brexit took a turn for the worse, Dreamworld announced the closure of that ride and the Palace asked the people to back off.


Brexit blamed for foodstuff of nightmares

The Brexit has, for far too long, been a situation where those who had the power to enable it, had no idea what the actual cost of what their vote meant. For those who pushed “Leave” on that fateful day now must shoulder the blame, as this has happened overnight:

Mondelēz International, the crackpot nutcases who created the iconic triangular nonsense of the Toblerone, have rolled out a new UK version, which they say is because of the higher milk, sugar and cocoa prices in the days since the vote. Yes, that’s probably the reason, not the rest of the EU turning nougat into sour grapes.

If there was any legitimate reason for a recount, surely the Toblerone must be it.


Kensington Palace releases statement on Harry’s partner, asks subjects nicely to not be racist

In a move that is more 2016 than the last thing that suffix was stapled to, Kensington Palace has announced the relationship of Harry and Meghan Markle, and thusly asked everyone in the kingdom to stop being rather racist indeed about it.

According to the release Ms Markle and her family are being harassed, with the actions of lawyers, and tabloids, trying to keep her name pure, because the British would absolutely not stoop to the levels of muckraking paparazzo journalism of the royals, lordy, no. With the mum of all the Brits shaking the wooden spoon at the populace, one would hope that the world’s most* eligible male ginger would be able to court his lady in peace.

That or the remnants of the Empire will upend its tea at the sight of finger-licking crumbs of royal relationship gossip.

Also, worthy of note, the Palace asking people not to be racist though the sun didn’t set on the empire until very recently, is a bit awkies.



Thunder River Rapids to be torn down: Dreamworld

The first of many reactions from management post Dreamworld accident has made itself known. The Thunder River Rapids is no more, with the ride set to be permanently closed and a memorial to be built in its place.

Combined with this, outside engineers will be conducting a massive review of all remaining rides on the premises. On a personal note, the ride was clearly unsafe and what happened was a horrible thing, but behind adult logic, 13-year-old me is stamping his foot as his eyes water and lips quiver, for what is lost today is also history. The familiar becomes unfamiliar, and the first ride my nan allowed me to go on will live only in memory.

That being said, the prospect of such a tragedy happening to me during the 14 times I rode it is a pale thing to face. Confusing, conflicting feelings this morning.



Becoz Internet

Also, if you’re yet to see that iguana video everyone is talking about, it sits below. Run, you cold-blooded bastard, run!


The top five #AusPol Tweets from overnight

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