Roger Pugh

The aftermath of the US election, from a safe distance

Approx Reading Time-10Still struggling to make sense of the US election? Us too. Pick through the debris left by the election bomb with a soothing dose of Sunday satire. 

 


The US has not so much suffered an election as become infected by an email virus from Hillary’s computer. This has caused Americans to become so mentally unhinged they’ve done things as unthinkable as voting for Hillary and Trump to become President.

Yet amongst all the disillusionment there emerged a beacon of fairness and probity in the shape of FBI Director James Comey.

He decided not once but twice to investigate but then not indict Hillary for having her computer hocked, heckled or hacked by either the Russians, WikiLeaks or Anthony Weiner, although continuing FBI investigations are based on a firm Foundation run by the Clintons.

Furthermore, he decided not to mount a full investigation into Trump’s relationships with women because it would have meant doubling the size of his staff.

It is time however for Comey once again to come to the service of his country. Having played a key role in saving it from the Clintons he’s now got to start the investigations that will save it from Trump.

Of course, there’s a danger all this could lead to considerable unrest. The Clintons are likely to try and establish their Foundation as the alternative government and Trump is likely to try and get rid of Comey by despatching him to locate Obama’s birthplace in Africa.

However, there is a certain reassurance in the announcement that Mexico have offered to pay for a wall to be built round Trump.

Meanwhile, the Democrats are already weighing whether to adopt Michelle Obama as their next Presidential nominee. She offers distinct advantages over Hillary in that she’s not married to Bill, is not being investigated by the FBI and doesn’t have an email connection to Anthony Weiner.

James Comey is the obvious pick as the next Republican Presidential nominee because he’s likely to have a devastating FBI dirt file on any Democrat who opposes him.

Members of Congress who are desperate to avoid a repeat of the electorally deplorable episode in 2016 should take urgent action to disqualify the Bush, Clinton, Obama and Trump dynasties from any future possibility of practising politics and initiate a search to rediscover the Republican and Democratic Parties.

In addition to that there is an urgent need to redefine political protocols to confirm that mis-speaking is no substitute for plain speaking and groping is no substitute for having a finger on the pulse (although it could be preferable to having a finger on the nuclear button).

The World Health Organisation is thought to be in favour of a ban on Hillary doing any emailing whatsoever because further leaking could drive the whole world witless. However, on a more positive note, there seems every prospect that the 2016 US Presidential Election will prove to be the catalyst for a new type of extreme sport.

 

Roger Pugh

Following a career that comprised heading up global marketing departments and advertising agencies Roger made a seachange to his hobby of humorous writing by co-founding Political Satire site, Friday Mash. Roger is now the Native Content Director, heading up The Big Smoke’s Creative team and a regular political columnist in both Australian and USA editions of The Big Smoke.

Related posts

Top