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Monday morning. Oh, Joy. What happened while you were asleep? Well Lewis Hamilton behaved badly, Justin Trudeau was killed online and Crowded House says goodbye. Again.
Hooray for Monday.
Before we dip into the realms of trending cynicism, and the mucky goo of bloodied newsworthy detritus, I’d just like to say something: as a great man and social thinker, Bobby McFerrin, once pointed out: “We’ll all be dead soon, and forgotten about completely, so don’t fret”.
Here’s a dog with a piece of pizza it can’t possibly eat to illustrate my point:
Be like the dog.
Nico Rosberg wins F1 World Championship, Lewis Hamilton wins collected ire.
Formula One in two hundred words or less to the uneducated goes like this: Lewis Hamilton is a plank. The man can drive fast, but he can destroy your respect as quickly as he earns it, by behaving like a child. In the last race of the Grand Prix of the year, the equation was simple. Hamilton could win the championship by Rosberg finishing lower than third.
What transpired was silly buggers, namely with Hamilton driving slow enough to allow the pack to try and catch his teammate:
Hamilton: “You need to give me the times of other cars please”
Translated: are the Red Bulls quick enough to help me win this thing?
— Luke Smith (@LukeSmithF1) November 27, 2016
📻”Lewis, this is Paddy. We need you to pick up the pace to win this race”
📻”I’m in the lead right now. I’m quite comfortable where I am” pic.twitter.com/CmepAo1Nrn
— Formula 1 (@F1) November 27, 2016
For what it’s worth, the nice German man won, and asked for permission to celebrate. Bless.
📻 “Can I do donuts guys? Is that okay?!”
— MERCEDES AMG F1 (@MercedesAMGF1) November 27, 2016
2016 claims latest victim, Canadian PM Justin Trudeau.
The unstoppable killing machine “2016” has struck again. Today we farewell Justin Trudeau…….’s credibility. See!? We can do misleading click bait too! Blergh. I feel so dirty. Anyway, the Internet turned on the Canadian PM (and previously invincible bae of our political wet dreams) as they read aloud his official statement re: the passing of Fidel Castro.
“Cuba’s longest serving President.”
— Maxime Bernier (@MaximeBernier) November 26, 2016
Needless to say, well it did not go, and RIP Trudeau, ash to ash, dust to dust, fade to blaeeacck. Hyeah!
— Matsu (@Matsutosu) November 26, 2016
Today we mourn the loss of Norman Bates, a family man who was truly defined by his devotion to his mother. #trudeaueulogies
— Mike Hogan (@tsnmikehogan) November 26, 2016
— DTMAGA (@DTMAGA1) November 26, 2016
The sticking point, as shocking as it may be, seems to have become a minute detail. Yes, Castro was not democratically elected, but compared to who he replaced, the man is a hero. Unless you happen to be a invested in US Casinos, or balls-deep in racketeering.
Let me wind back the clock some 60-odd years. Things were not good. Fulgencio Batista was a dictator, but not a nice let’s help the plebs dictator like old mate, more a line the pockets, golden telephone kind of dictator, which kept the local populace poor af. Yes, they both kept their people poor and spoke the language of violence, but in the works of Walter Sobchak: “at least it’s an ethos”.
Batista kept the communists out, by letting the mafia in, and dipping to massive corruption, all the while changing the minds of his political opposites by way of a bullet to the head. Fun times to be a regular Cuban.
For further learning, please consult this documentary on the Batista reign:
Crowded House vacate collective building, out the front of the place they said goodbye before.
Crowded House are true genius, especially the sensibly coiffed, velveteen’d pipes of Neilford Finn. But whilst everything must come to an end, fortunately, whoever formed that truism didn’t set a required number of farewells. Last night, in front of the Sydney Opera House, Crowded House marked themselves for the wrecking ball. Again.
This concert is a balm, soothing a bruised and battered year. #CrowdedHouseLive
— PugDustin (@The1987Show) November 27, 2016
Suffice to say, it went well. Everyone loves Crowded House, as the steps of the Opera House were painted in the hues of nostalgia and vast collective appreciation. I remember sitting aghast with jealous angst over their original farewell, the halcyon snapshot of a band I so admired, but knew nothing of as a child. I made a solemn vow that if history would repeat (and Neil said: it doesn’t), I wouldn’t miss my chance, but eh, I forgot about it until just now.
Remember, don’t dream it’s over. Until the next one. Bring on the final, final, final farewell in 2036.
— ABC TV Australia (@ABCTV) November 27, 2016
Best concert I’ve ever not been to.#CrowdedHouseLive
— Joshua Kay (@js_kay) November 27, 2016
Top five #AusPol Tweets from overnight.
So last week Barnaby declared war on SA, Dutton on Fraser & Brandis on the Constitution. What will Team Turnbull deliver this week? #auspol
— Richard Denniss (@RDNS_TAI) November 27, 2016
What a ridiculous law….What sort of country would allow a Govt to do that….?
— Hugh G Snobbery (@hughGsnobbery) November 27, 2016
— John Wren (@JohnWren1950) November 27, 2016
2016: the year neo-Nazis became known as “alt-right” and “social justice warrior” became an insult
— Max Walden (@maxwalden_) November 27, 2016
— Sur Plus (@otiose94) November 26, 2016