Kayne Taylor

Burgers I’ve burgled VII: Christmastime is here, and I’m broke

burgers

Approx Reading Time-10The man made entirely of grease, destitution and juvenile comedy returns with his latest Burgers I’ve Burgled, which neatly doubles as the reason he won’t live to see 40.

 


Welcome to the special fringes of the Burgers I’ve Burgled Christmas edition, where there’ll be many, many burgers afoot. What makes it Christmas, you may or may not ask? Well, there’s 21 days to go, for one thing, and if that doesn’t hold you, pardon me while I leg it…to my mobility scooter.

 

The Bacon Bad

This is the Bacon Bad, thanks to my tormentors-in-chief @barlucasydney, who I feel should sponsor me, or at least give me a shirt (or a glance of warm pity when I wobble through the door).

@barlucasydney burg of 2016 one of the best specials so far!! 🍔 || B A C O N B A D || 🍔 Wagyu beef Double American Cheddar Streaky Bacon Bacon & Maple Jam Jalapeños Smokey Bacon Aioli

What’s in it:

Wagyu beef
Double American cheddar
Streaky bacon
Bacon and maple jam
Jalapeños
Smokey bacon aioli

This collection of cheese, pig and cow was so good it almost made this mild-mannered retail employee turn to making meth and hanging out with a vagrant who says “bitch” a lot. I miss that show. Might have to binge watch it again. What’s the average length you should leave between finishing a show, and then going back to it, so it seems vaguely fresh? Send your answers on the back of a postcard to: my house on my street.

 

The Chief Wiggum

Nothing gets chocolate out. See? Clancy is a bit of a hero of mine, what with his ineptitude, his inability to get to work before 11, and of course his burger-scoffing. It’s fitting then that I ate him. Never meet your heroes, unless they arrive on a plate.

Took @rica.marie somewhere fancy for date night 👫 @burgersbyjosh THE CHIEF WIGGUM Signature Wagyu Texan Low N Slow hickory pulled pork Crispy AF bacon Hickory Red BBQ sauce Westmont pickles American cheese Southern fried crispy onions Sydney's softest milk bun

What’s in it:

Signature wagyu
Texan Low N Slow hickory pulled pork
Crispy AF bacon
Hickory red BBQ sauce
Westmont pickles
American cheese
Southern fried crispy onions
Sydney’s softest milk bun

 

The Tequila Quackingbird

This is a prime example of why you never read the book, as the foodstuff is invariably better. The only leafing that should touch the fingers should be lettuce. Perhaps I should start a religion. If that guy with the spiked punch could do it, I should give it a shot.

Eh, later.

|| T E Q U I L A G U A C K I N G B I R D || 🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔🍔 Tequila lime chicken Jalapeño jack cheese Bacon Guacamole Coral lettuce Lime aioli Green jalapeño hot sauce

What’s in it:

Tequila lime chicken
Jalapeño jack cheese
Bacon
Guacamole
Coral lettuce
Lime aioli
Green jalapeño hot sauce

 

Until next week, and until I gaze upon myself and hate what I see for what I have done, we shall meet again.

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