While you were asleep: Sydney rode storm, Trump baited China, Uber got clingy

Approx Reading Time-10Morning, fellow students. What happened while you were asleep? Well, it rained, Trump complained and Uber will refrain…from leaving you alone. Think I pulled that off. No?

 

Season of inclement weather comes to Sydney, collective buzz killed

Historians will come to call it “The Great Inconvenience of ’16”. Probably. The Sydneysiders who endured yesterday’s storm will wake this morning with fingernails shorn short and eyes rimmed with the black sockets of disappointment, for they lived through it maaan. In what can better be described as “The rapture”, I feel there’s a positive to be gleaned from the storm. You see, 2016 has claimed many, many, manymany people, but if you’re reading this (I’m unsure if purgatory has Wi-Fi), you outlived true genius. Your day will come, but perhaps in a year of less important death.

Hooray!

Here are some pictures that outline the annoyance felt by water falling from the sky, onto the ground.

 

Donald Trump criticises China, obligatory “oh no” news piece

Just for a bit of fun, I’m going to write this in the font of our time: Hyperbole.

Donald Trump, the most evilest dude ever to run a business in the history of business (or dudes), has levelled spitting criticism at the next world power, and theatre for World War 3, China. China, a communist country who has nukes (which I can only presume can be set off by sneezing), has been set aflame by Trump’s anger toward their imperialist expansion in the South China Sea.

Ugh. Writing like that is draining.

Anyway, so the name of the beast is an upset set apple cart. A couple of days prior, Trump reversed multiple decades of China/US policy, by contacting the Chinese State formerly known as Taiwan. Much like Prince, the nature of that state is ambiguous, with the ownership changing depending on who you speak to; it’s independent, and it’s also Chinese.

Worthy to note that the China/US diplomatic ho-down has always been a skittish step, as it took that other disliked Republican, Richard Nixon, over two decades to finally recognise China (in 1972; the revolution happened in 1949), so it’s fair to say that the diplomatic intercourse between the two has never been that great.

Analysts are nervously thrusting their hands upwards, announcing in their nasal voices that criticism of China’s South China Sea expansion could lead to fracture, as the same problem befell the Obama Administration. Or it could not. Whichever way the wind breaks (grow up), you could see this as a Presidential Candidate (elect), making good on his election promises. Which, for the first time in history, is not a positive thing. Hyperbole alert.

 

Uber update becomes strangely clingy, lingers on our doorstep

Oh no, Uber. Not you too. You used to be urbane and cool. The kind of app that we’d be happy to have take us home. “You’ve got Uber, wowww”, friends with hollow lives may squeal, but this dawn cracks with pale realisation. Uber has turned into a creep.

Peep this. The latest update for Uber now leaves your location on the map, five minutes after your ride has concluded. Uber claims it a safety feature, and like most safeties, you can’t turn it off.

Well actually can that, you can disclose your location to Uber either not at all, or all of the pissing time:

The problem as I see it is Uber now joins the collective of apps who walks you all the way to your door, with terrible intentions – they want to know you. The problem is, you need Uber, but you also don’t need to welcome it in to your house. The only way to seemingly get Uber off your porch is to blankly tell it “I have to go to sleep now”, before closing the door on its desperate face, as it would presumably lean in the closing gap of the doorway to get one last look at you.

Thanks, Uber.

 

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