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While you were asleep: US bomb total, FIFA’s WC expansion, News-cycle gets old

FIFA

Approx Reading Time-11Morning! What happened while you were asleep? Well, we have a number of bombs that the US dropped in 2016, FIFA expanded the World Cup, and the dead horse of political entitlements was flogged anew.

 

Committee tables number of bombs the US dropped in 2016, makes for explosive reading.

Let me preface this with an apology for that pun. People are dead. Now, as the old adage teaches us, it’s rude to point so one would suppose it’s also rude to aim heavy ordinance at other people. The official sounding Council on Foreign Relations has traipsed the countryside to award the US with a round figure vis-a-vis how many bombs they’ve loosed on their fellow man.

For those of you playing at home, reading this with a hole in your roof, the figure stands at 26,171, or 72 a day. Bitterly, the Council points out that the true total is probably much higher, as they’ve only counted the strikes, not the individual number dropped. Hoorah.

The viciously large number of bombs dropped is primarily due to the United States’ desire to crush IS. Although, with historic aforethought, wasn’t it the same behaviour in Iraq (bombing the country back to the stone age) that was one of the main reasons Islamic State was formed in the first place? Moreover, would the same tactics that created the threat merely duplicate it in years to come? I don’t want to be a sensationalist doomsayer here, but history is cyclical. Where does the difference lie to those at the other end of the US war machine? How is Iraq any different to Syria according to those who have lived through it?

 

FIFA increases World Cup expansion to 48 teams, Editor reaches for the formaldehyde.

Here ‘dis. I love the World Cup, and I love seeing obscure nations tapdancing on the highest stage. Who can forget old mate from North Korea weeping in naked pride at the beauty of his anthem prior to them getting thrashed by Brazil? Or Denmark being called in off the beach in Euro ’92 to win it all? Or Zaire forgetting the rules in 1974 and thumping a free kick into the stands for no reason, much to the bemusement of all unfortunate enough to witness it.

Lols and golden moments for all. However, these moments remain special purely because Cinderella didn’t dance at the club every pissing night. FIFA have decided glass slippers and pumpkin carts for all from 2026 onwards where 48 teams will contest for the title, or in mathematical English, one in four countries who play professional football.

Much like the drunk who won’t leave the argument despite the pleas of friends and security alike, I’m on a roll. Other than a clear push for the Benjani’s, I feel that it cheapens the merit of qualifying. For those who endured thousandfold Socceroo disappointment before that Sydney evening in 2005, we know what it means to eat at the big boy table. All this does is piddle in the pool, and chlorinate the eyes of the casual fan. After all, who wants to see Albania v Liechtenstein v Jordan v Mongolia at the World Cup?

 

News cycle morphs into Penny-farthing, dusts off headlines of yore.

Tighten your plus-fours, adjust your Menzie’s personal sight apparatus and check your spouse for Cholera, because in 2017, everything old is new again. What’s that sound on the victrola, Doris? The parliamentary expense two step? How pipe-chortlingly good. Sussan Ley (alongside one of the best political hashtags of recent times in #LeyBuy) has made spurious governmental tax coffer squandering vogue once more. A day after Ley’s soznotsozbutsoz, it seems that nap I had on the couch has dropped me back in the middle of 2016.

Everything seems so…different.

On the question of parliamentary entitlements, the current system is obviously not working, and I feel changes will come in slow and limp. So, I offer a radical solution: Allow our leaders to claim whatever they like on our taxpayer dollar, on a spending level propotionate to the furious spending of their party leader, and any purchases on the tax dime may also be enjoyed by those who pay aforementioned taxes. Therefore, it governs itself, as we’ll all have a whirl of Jule’s private jet. Everyone wins.

 

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