While you were asleep: May confirms Brexit, Immigration’s dishonest $1B, Hardy may be Bond

Approx Reading Time-10Morn, all! What happened while you were asleep? Well Theresa is serious about leaving, yet more financial shenanigans from Canberra, and we have yet another name to attach to 007. Ffs.

 

Theresa May tells friends break up talk with EU is real serious.

Who doesn’t like a pile of stiff codswallop before breakfast? Looking to start fresh, anew, with somebody like the EU, British PM Theresa May has taken to the podium to reiterate her desire to bugger off, looking to “regain control” of migration from the EU. Yay, Brexit.

Ostensibly, the long-awaited speech was, well, waited for, to see if May had the Wellies to go ahead with the so-called “hard Brexit”, perhaps hoping against hope that the whole thing was a protracted in-joke, or the result of a drunken tumble at the polls. As it turns out, nope!

In response, opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn accused May or turning Britain into “a bargain basement tax haven on the shores of Europe”.

Hey, at least they pay tax. J’accuse, ‘Straya.

 

Report turns over $1b spent on Manus/Nauru without adequate approval, Immigration Department says “nah”.

As it seems to be, the ugly twins of political discourse, Manus & Nauru, were feeling left out of the 2017 AusPol conversation, of which all eighteen days have been dedicated to the erroneous irresponsible spending of taxpayer funds. Not to be outdone, the twins have rocked the most chic, designer frock they could find, to remind us all that they are the biggest issue in the political landscape.

Lazy metaphor aside, as it turns out the Immigration Department has dropped more than $1 Billion (that’s “billion” with a “b”) without the proper authorisation. Unlike the realms of romance, adultery or international business, the aphorism “It’s better to seek forgiveness than permission” doesn’t hold exactly all the mustard.

The extremely fun hope-they-come-to-our-dinner-party sounding cabal from the Australian Nation Audit Office claimed in an independent report that “$1.1 billion was approved by DIBP officers who did not have the required authorisation and for the remaining $1.1 billion there was no departmental record of who authorised the payments.” In response to these claims, the Immigration Department reportedly said “nah”.

 

Tom Hardy the next maybe Bond, make the pain stop already.

The next James Bond is a jumbled posse search. The names thrown around are so impulsive, it reminds me of the clusterfudge you see on that small square of paper at the newsagent everyone tests their soon-to-be-purchased pens on. Thusly, the weight of these claims are bulimic, but fuck it, let us add another: the less mad Mad Max, the victorian masked emphysema victim, the bloke from Black Hawk Down who I sort-of-almost recognised years later: Tom Hardy.

Yes, he’s English or some sort of Brit, or Scot, or Irish, or Irish-Scot, and he looks good in a tux. In speaking to the Daily Beast, Hardy registered his interest in the role, by refusing to talk about it, saying that they really shouldn’t if they wanted it to happen. Which we do, sort of. Just pick someone already, I’m tired of writing sentences on it almost as much as I am tired of waiting. I wanted Idris Elba, you said no. William H. Macy, no. Just give it to Emma Watson already. She’s excessively British, and she’d look rad ripping a power slide in an Italian mega car that costs the GDP of Latvia, or entering into meaningless sexual congress to obtain an already known top secret, or popping a cap into the dome of some nameless henchman. Make it happen already, because 007 is fast becoming a dinosaur’s dinosaur.

 

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