While you were asleep: Syrian conflict continues, Queen celebrates jubilee, Trump now Stalin

Approx Reading Time-11Tuesday. The cruel, identical sister of Monday, oh joy. What happened while you were asleep? Well, conflict in Syria rolled on, the Queen reached an historic number in the job and Trump is now apparently Stalin.


New year, old war. Syrian conflict rolls to yet more peace talks interspersed with mechanised violence.

Remember that whole “Syria thing”? You know, 2016’s most brutal proxy war, where the most apathetic of animal urges was loosed upon the pitiful, now-prehistoric streets of Aleppo, Homs and Damascus? The one that goosed furious election words and Twitter verified a celebrity survivor? Well, as the calendar has slipped over to 2017, we’ve all sort of forgotten about it. Yemen. So hot right now. It’s almost as if ever since Bana got out of Aleppo, and there was a sort-of-ceasefire, we all sort of assumed the job was sort of done.

Turns out “yeah nah”, the war still rolls on. I’m trying my darndest to not fall to cynicism, but while the dates change, the headlines stay the same. Overnight there were peace talks partnered with an assurance that IS is cornered, headlines that hinted at the conflict winding down, but, we’ve been here before.

At the risk of editorialising, shit’s fucked.


Queen reaches milestone in gilded chair of decisions.

65 years. As Liz celebrates her sapphire jubilee she can look back on a long and distinguished reign of history’s grandest monarch. Yes, she may have racked up the impressive number in an age where the dissidents are less likely to burn down her house in an expression of disagreement, but nevertheless, she’s been a nan to all of us, and if not, she’s been in our pockets for all of our lives. Just before I get morbid with some “real talk”, here’s a celebratory Tweet from a British political who participates in hashtag abuse:

Right. So, the thing that I’m most concerned about is not the whole vestiges of imperialism thing, nor whether we should remain in the Commonwealth or not. Rather, it’s that we all have to reconcile with the dark thought that she’s not going to be our posh nan forever, which is a shame because she looks good on the money we squander on foolish bets.Yes, one day her face will vanish from our daily transactions in favour of that balding bloke, or that ginger, or that ginger’s dad, which I think is a shame.

May you long rule, ma’am.


Oz scientist compares Trump to Stalin, somewhat ignorant of the facts.

Let me hit you with some knowledge. Alan Finkel, our premier science bae’s comparison of Donald Trump’s environmental policy to Stalin’s promotion of bogus scientific data in the 1920’s is bang on. For those of you who missed it, or slept through the Russian Revolution, Finkel used the example of Trofim Lysenko, aka the non-science guy that Stalin preferred, because of his lack of scientific thought, and whose ideas Stalin promoted above those of more sensible minds.

Sound familiar?

Which is all very well and good, especially for those keen on the smoky charms of history, and dead systems of government, but there’s a point of difference between Trump and Stalin I feel we need to address. Stalin shot a lot of people who disagreed with him, and he starved the Ukraine in 1933 for the lols, and by all accounts, was a spectacular nutjob (come at me, Joe), however, he also gave a lot of people hope. And not the Larry Letdown Hope JFK and Obama promised (soz), but tangible hope. Hope he engendered through brutality.

Example: he brought on two industrial revolutions, the latter after the Nazis rolled across the Soviet Union, where Joseph organised the greatest relocation of a population in history, essentially moving all the Soviet industry across the country (though burning the rest). And ask any vintage communist what happened in 1991 when the flag was changed and Russia became a victim of Wall Street and drunk uncle Boris. A lot of people yearned, and still yearn, for the good old days of Stalinism. Even through everything, Joe gave them hope. I don’t see that so much from Donald. Unless he wheels out his own Yuge Purge (and I hope to Christ he doesn’t have the belly for it), I believe the point of difference will remain.


Top five Tweets from overnight.



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