While you were asleep: Kayne confuses followers, Jim flips Piers, Trump’s exec orders polled

Approx Reading Time-11Monday, why. What happened while you were asleep? Well, Kanye changed his hair colour, Jim Jefferies started a new social trend in #FlipOffASympathiser and the responses to Trump’s executive orders were tabulated.




Internet asks why Kanye bleaches hair, Editor reaches for toaster to bathe with.

The followers of the latter-day Saint of his own making, Kanye West, praise Yeezy, bed a Gold Digger etc, have stumbled upon a quandary. The deity that sells t-shirts has spoken to them through his church, Twitter, flaunting a new visage of the lord’s final form. As with all organised religions, the lessons from the man upstairs wearing the shoes with his name on them, are a bit vague and indeed up for interpretation. Put tritely, his hair is much lighter than before but similar to before that.

This however does not indeed sit well with His followers who wrote questions in CAPITAL LETTERS to find out the importance of this latest psalm carved into the book of Yeezy. This of course is the second coming of Blonde Yeezus, as he wore the same bleached crown when he rolled back the paparazzo wall and was born again after his hospital jaunt. Some are prophecising the destruction of the power structure as a direct result, an entire existence erased, not with a bang but rather a stifled lol.

Ever the theology scholars, The Big Smoke offers a theory. At 1:16 of the psalm Father stretch my hands part one, the voice of God fears that sexual congress with a human woman who had just bleached a private area would indeed transfer onto his t-shirt, and then he’d feel poorly about it. Perhaps in taking the form of what he feared so in that verse, that of a “bleached asshole”, we’d understand the teachings passed down to we, the unbleached masses?


Jim Jefferies flips the bird to warbling tit, Harry Potter’s mum nods approval.

Moving swiftly on to another topic of similar repute, British first officer of tone-deaf commentary, Piers Morgan, clashed with a colonial named Jim over his defence of Donald Trump’s Muslim ban, and the rest, as they say, was television history. Proud of you, Jim, but on a larger scale, we’d shifted nicely on from punching Nazi’s to flipping off sympathisers.

That’s progress.

Also, one could easily assume that #FlipOffASympathiser could become a thing, as JK’s onboard, and with her, comes the Potterverse.



Politico releases poll which charts public feeling on Trump’s exec orders in mildly interesting clickbait – number #3 will surprise you.

I love graphs and I love you, Politico. As we roll into week four of the Trump administration (still seems odd to type), the public has spoken in response to the Don’s executive orders, with some crossing off the days of the calendar with the red marker of disappointment, ambitiously circling tomorrow as “Impeachment Day”.

However, at the risk of a) editorialising and b) taking the jam out of everyone’s collective donut, an impeachment is not going to happen. There needs to be serious, proven wrongdoing, and unfortunately, a lack of moral station is not a crime. So beyond that, they’re hoping for some sort of vast illegality, a noose tightened by someone in his inner-circle turning against the Administration, à la Nixon. Okay, if that happened, you’d still have Mike Pence. So we shift to Plan B – which is B for Blood; I was recently asked if I think he’ll be clipped. It’s a terrible idea, as is Plan C, which would be to somehow magically kick Trump’s entire administration out of the White House and cue much international rejoicing.

The problem with that is it would mean mortally wounding the democratic process, overturning the outcome of a legitimate election through the establishment grouping together to kick out a democratically elected leader. This is exactly what those who voted against Trump voted to stop. Removal would make Trump a martyr, and it’d enable a heinous apparition of a candidate, along with the far-Right’s far right to avenge the righteous fallen.

So, alas, saddle up for the full tilt o’ Trump. Just as a historical aside, those who haven’t done the full term were either killed, or Richard Nixon. Here’s a chart.



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