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With a recent study claiming that no-one is immune to exercise, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to create a new list of excuses to escape those pesky fitness obligations.
Through my wobbling, short-breathed traipse through life, I’ve discovered there are two kinds of people: exercise people, and those allergic to it. The latter fight through the virus to net a comparative nil result. The problem is the former, those who walk up a theoretical mountain twice, and are more shredded than a julienne salad. While I’ve long held the theory that the impossibly two-minute buff types had a portrait of themselves in an attic growing ever flabbier, science apparently believes that I’m full of the proverbial effluent.
In previous schools of thought, it was understood that some people are “non-responders” to exercise, and that they shouldn’t really bother, as it’s pointless and we’ll all be dead soon anyway. Some notable “non-responders” are said to include Argentine soccer demigod and spectacular nutcase Diego Maradona, and your mum. However, as it turns out, this is the work of fiction.
Pouring a bucket of lactic acid on the fire, and perhaps charting the greatest/obvious truthbomb of the exercise realm, is Alex Hutchinson, who believes that people who respond less to exercise should just…exercise more. His particular study took 78 healthy adults and divided them into five groups, with each going through one, two, three, four, or five 60-minute workouts every week for six weeks. Hutchinson eventually found out that those press-ganged into three times the exercise gain more results.
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Exercise is an important part of the daily regimen of healthy, mal-adjusted people. Yes, more is more, but there’s an important point here. Doing less is an important factor of life also. We are afforded a certain amount of time, which is ours to squander. But within that time, we are robbed, forcibly succumbing a large slice to work, to family, to our relationships, to return the crockery to its resting place. While we have time for the gym, we don’t have that much time for the gym.
What the findings of this lad represent, is paradise lost. We are now left to dig, searching for a new reservoir of excuses, one that will allow us to evade our responsibilities in a blunt, albeit societally acceptable fashion.
So, with that in mind dip that flabby hoof into the pool of necessary excuses, translated into fitness-ese: