Need. Coffee. What happened while you were asleep? Well, the Statue of Liberty went dark, Islamic State attacked a hospital in Kabul and Ikea gave into our complaints.
Statue of Liberty goes dark, Internet jumps to conclusion.
Over in the land of the Internet, America, speculation was rife as the lights on Lady Liberty dimmed seemingly without explanation. Fortunately, there was soon a reason given, but fortunately for the rest of us, the keyboard brandishing folks decided to ignore it. What could it mean?
Is the nation’s most famous migrant (she’s from France, remember) rebelling in the face of one Donald Trump? Was she doffing her cement crown toward those who marching in the “A day without a woman” demonstrations? Or, is it the start of the dark times, where our progress as a species will be measured in the amount of foreign brain matter we can ingest?
Well, the official news, aka the official lies, aka the non-fake news, aka the truth, was that there was an unscheduled outage. Yeah righto, mate. As night turns to day, and yet more light will surely be shed on such a symbolic discussion, the question presented to us this morning is, what does this mean to you?
Why has the Statue of Liberty gone dark tonight? pic.twitter.com/hfnbZkNOox
— Jon Passantino (@passantino) March 8, 2017
IS soldiers pose as doctors in Kabul hospital, 30 confirmed dead.
Islamic State has claimed responsibility for an attack on a Kabul hospital where an indeterminable number of victims now lie. According to various sources, anywhere between three and thirty have been lost, but as time rolls on, that dire number will become more accurate.
It makes for grim reading, but this is what is known so far: the attack was introduced by a suicide bomber who blew himself up on at the rear of the 400-bed Sardar Mohammad Daud Khan Hospital. He was quickly followed by three attackers with automatic weapons and hand grenades, security officials said.
The gunmen, dressed as medical personnel, had taken position on upper floors of the hospital and engaged special forces sent to the scene, officials said.
— Khalil Noori (@KhalilNoori) March 8, 2017
In an early response to these attacks, Afghan President Ashraf Ghani said the attackers “trampled on all human values,” before adding, “in all religions, a hospital is regarded as an immune site and attacking it is attacking the whole of Afghanistan,” stitching his remarks midway through his speech for International Women’s Day.
More details as they come to light. Prayers for all those affected in Kabul.
Ikea declares peace in war against the consumer psyche, concessions made.
What a gaudy, electric day. Finally, we can return home, safe in the knowledge that we’ll be safe. It’s over. Ikea, the adversaries that we’ve fought over thousandfold nameless weekends – those who we’ve come to blows with, in our lounge rooms, our dining rooms, our back patios – have given into our peace demands and announced that all their future products will snap together, as opposed to the original system, which bordered on human rights abuses.
You see, it was the rolling thunder of consumer complaint that swung the battle, as, in the words of the IKEA kommandant, Jesper Brodin,: “we are now into the implementation phase of making it possible for you to click your furniture together”. While they didn’t put an exact date on the armistice, the only thing left to do is to survive the last couple of forward ventures, across the concrete tombs that took our youth, and hope home is the same as we remembered it.
Top five Tweets from overnight:
— The New Yorker (@NewYorker) March 8, 2017
Right wing logic:
Leaks under Bush are treason!
CIA leak is patriotic because it’s about Obama.
Leaks under Trump are still about Obama.
— Alex Morash (@AlexMorash) March 8, 2017
Should Trump’s tweet about alleged wire taps be taken at face value?
“Sure it should, of course it — I mean, why wouldn’t — no” pic.twitter.com/jaNezsXol6
— Steve Kopack (@SteveKopack) March 7, 2017
— Reid Parker (@ReidParker_) March 7, 2017
— Ian Gordicans (@Gordicans) March 8, 2017