Jim Pembroke

Looking forward to Pauline Hanson’s Trump blockbuster sequel

Hanson

Approx Reading Time-10As it turns out, Pauline Hanson’s WA blockbuster was a bit of a flop. But as Hollywood lore stateth, we shouldn’t worry about it, we should worry about the sequel.

 

 

 

One Nation supporters must feel pretty let down at the moment. In the West Australian election they were expecting a Trump-like box office hit but instead got a craptastic knockoff featuring Pauline Hanson. It’s like wasting good data pirating your favourite movie, to find it’s not “Iron Man” starring Robert Downey Jr in a high tech suit but a college kid in a halloween costume; “Metal Man” – a low budget rip-off.

And just like the “Iron Man” versus “Metal Man” mixup, Pauline Hanson does a poor imitation of Donald Trump. So, the WA election on Saturday the 11th of March was a bad movie night for One Nation supporters.

Why was Pauline Hanson’s remake a pale imitation of the original? Well for starters, the plot was awful, the set was amateurish and the acting was atrocious. Trump appealed to the mocked and forgotten people of the rust belt whereas Pauline Hanson inexplicably tried to inject her campaign with unvaccinated baby votes. And since infants aren’t eligible to enrol, that strategy was always going to have teething problems.

To avoid a fine, eligible Australian voters must make an appearance on election day. The penis scrawl is well supported, as are Lee Lin Chin and Cosmo Kramer. As soon as you’re in the booth, you can vote for any donkey you like.

The producers of Pauline’s B-picture will be scratching their heads. What went wrong? Pauline had all the Trumpisms – Islamaphobia, climate change denial, even fake news. Perhaps the answer lies with the audience. Australians like a little bit of crazy as much as the next privileged society, but Ms Hanson seems to suggest that her “deplorables” misunderstood the complexities. Take her arrangement with the Liberal Party, for example. She claims the present education system failed to prepare voters for the subtle nuances of One Nations “drain the swamp” preference deal.

“I think that’s where most of the damage has come from,” explained Ms Hanson.

Ah yes, enter the alternative facts. After all, you’d never catch Donald Trump doing deals with the establishment. Oh wait…

But the One Nation leader has a point. Australia’s voting system is complex and the voters in Australia and the US are very different, or indifferent as the case may be. You see, it’s the right of every American to give the middle finger to the democratic process. Apparently, the ultimate expression of democracy is to not turn up at elections. Half of American adults didn’t even touch a ballot paper – that’s over 100 million voters. When Trump sprouts about his winning mandate, he’s talking about 25% of eligible voters.


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If One Nation supporters ask why can’t this happen in Australia, they’ll find the answer in ten syllables; compulsory preferential voting. To avoid a fine, eligible Australian voters must make an appearance on election day. Sure, once they get there, Aussies can do whatever they want with it. The penis scrawl is well supported, as are Lee Lin Chin and Cosmo Kramer. As soon as you’re in the booth, you can vote for any donkey you like. It won’t count but you can even vote for Donald Trump. So, Pauline’s best chance next time might be a larger “don’t care, won’t vote” demographic.

That’s right. There’s going to be a next time. If you thought the remake was bad, don’t miss the sequel, set in Queensland.

Sequels are almost never as good as the original. You know how it goes. An offbeat movie comes out and it’s expected to do well. There’s a lot of hype around it. But for some inexplicable reason, it’s a box office flop. The unusual, bizarre characters just don’t connect with the audience. It’s a movie so bad, people can’t stop talking about it. So, some executive who doesn’t understand the ironic popularity of awful cinema decides to make a follow-up.

The next Hanson sequel will be bigger, tougher, stronger, louder. The audience will be sitting in a dark, Brisbane theatre – eyes bright and shiny with expectation, shoving popcorn into their mouths. The curtain will come up and…

“Why do sequels always suck?”

 

Jim Pembroke

Jim Pembroke grew up in Brisbane, Queensland, where he learnt to sail, and got his B.Ed at QUT where he learnt to write, M.Ed at JCU, Townsville, where he learnt to think. He now lives permanently on his boat where he writes too much.

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