TBS Newsdesk

While you were asleep: Don Dale changes vetoed, Comic Sans creator speaks, Apple gives us space

Don

Approx Reading Time-11Morn-o! What happened while you were asleep? Yet more details emerged from Don Dale, the cretin behind Comic Sans emerged, and Apple want to make this relationship work, granting space.

 

 

 

Suggested changes to Don Dale refused at “highest level”, Royal Commission finds.

Yesterday marked the second day of the Royal Commission into the Protection and Detention of Children in the Northern Territory (cough: Don Dale), and brought yet more visceral recounting that prompted the shaking of heads, collective shoulders raised to the point that we could no longer hear the response to the question we’d asked, which was a trite “y tho?”.

It was the turn of Assistant General Manager James Sizeland to take the floor, who repeatedly mentioned that the complaints with the purveying environment were not heeded in the upper echelons of the corrections administration. Sizeland’s points encompassed his desire to remove “hanging points” (areas where detainees could potentially hang themselves) as well as asbestos, and for staff to be better trained.

However, the lawyer representing the North Australian Aboriginal Justice Agency, Peggy Dwyer, backed up a rather colossal truck of umbrage with Mr Sizeland’s rhetoric, claiming:

“I anticipate the commissioner is going to say: ‘it wasn’t my fault, I asked middle management to deal with it.’ And people above you will say ‘it’s not my fault, I asked Mr Sizeland to deal with it.’ And people below you will say ‘it’s not my fault, I told Mr Sizeland.’ Do you accept your role in a system that completely failed children?”

To this, Mr Sizeland responded: “Unlike probably a lot of people I will accept my position in this, yes”.

 

History’s greatest monster (citation needed), the creator of Comic Sans, speaks.

In our organised society, we care not for the explanations of those we consider pure evil; their empathetic reasoning falls on deaf ears. And rightfully so. However, one of the greatest of these men, who has escaped his sentence since forever, has broken from the ranks of anonymity to walk among us. For that, it is time to be afraid. Yes, the man who invented Comic Sans has been turned loose into the area of general discourse.

Vincent Connare, otherwise known as he-who-shall-not-be-named, in a recent interview with The Guardian said this:

It’s the same thing Oppenheimer said about the bomb; “Oh, I didn’t really expect it to impact so many people, lols.” At the risk of grandstanding, whoever’s phone has the most charge should ring the Hague right now, and put wheels in motion to try Mr Connare for crimes against humanity. (And may we use his nefarious creation for the affidavit?)

The horror.

 

Apple listens to your complaints about them invading your life, grants some space.

Look, Apple. I’ve never depended on anyone, or anything before. I am an independent person. But suddenly, I’m not. Suddenly, my hand is constantly wrapped around you; you’re there when I go to sleep; you’re there when I wake up. I’m…just not comfortable. The worst part is, by being the person you are, you’re better than what I’ve had before, which makes me blind to your faults, but…look, I need you around, but I need to be okay with you not being around. Can we try that for a while? I’m just losing my definition in the partnership right now. I can’t differentiate between the relationship me, and the me I am individually. I know we said ’til battery life do us part, but I need me time. I need a little bit more space than you’re offering.

I’m talking about Apple’s new IOS update, but the above conversation was taken verbatim from a couple argument I had once. Except her name wasn’t Apple. It was Plum.

Moving on.

Apple’s new update has graciously done…something to increase the space of people’s devices, and people are losing their particular biscuits over it:

Don’t spend it all at once, Terence. Not that it’d help this poisoned Apple, who opted for the smallest iPhone version available, as the customer service person put me on the spot, and my synapses frizzled in a moment of inversion and, for some reason, I thought it was best to order modestly, like at a restaurant, meeting your partner’s parents for the first time.

Thanks, Brain.

 

The top five Tweets from overnight:

 

Related posts

Top
Share via