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A rom-com fantasy fulfilled, a classic switcheroo and a refusal of a tasty pork pie. The question remains. Who enacted revenge this week in Auspol?
Every Friday, your trusty commentators at The Big Smoke review the most lauded plays in the game of Australian politics from the week previous. Passionate? Unquestionably. Conniving? Undoubtedly. But it’s not about that. Headlines need to be made and an audience needs to be entertained. So, who won?
Bronwyn Bishop, for living out her Richard Curtis fantasies.
Ostensibly, hovering Bron has paid us back for three weddings and funeral (she’s still one short) but refuses further exposure in her spending. That’s fine however, for, as everyone knows, the fourth wedding will be hers. Which is great, because traditionally, you have to pay for your own! So, here’s hoping there’s a terrible end monologue in the rain on her doorstep; roll credits; and we all get invites.
— John Wren (@JohnWren1950) March 29, 2017
That’d about square us.
You know I love you, I always wiiiilllll…
The two Ian Macdonalds, for putting the choice on us.
The majority of the casual #AusPol observers will know Ian Macdonald as the Scrooge McDuck doppelgänger, quacking from the backbench about his low parliamentary pay, and his right to pop bottles on G6’s on the taxpayer dime.
Qld Senator Ian Macdonald wants Life Gold Pass
— Mark Anning (@1EarthMedia) March 22, 2017
But they’d be wrong, because there is another claimant for the title of worst politician named Ian Macdonald, with the former Labor MP of the same name found guilty of misconduct of office for the handing of a Hunter Valley mine to his friend.
— Kelly Fedor (@KellyFedor) March 30, 2017
This leaves a rather prickly question. Which Ian Macdonald is worse? Well, you could use the court of law’s decision (yawn). Or you could judge according to your own moral compass: upsidedown mateship vs political entitlements (meh). Or there’s that other option…
Option three is pretty much Question Time now, anyway. Almost.
Also on The Big Smoke
- #AusPol winners and losers: I (18) see you baby, shaking that…
- #AusPol winners and losers: Who sampled Elon’s musk?
- #AusPol winners and losers: Who tapped who…and where?
- #AusPol winners and losers: Who paid the penalty (rate) this week?
Malcolm Roberts, for not getting the joke, and making it obvious.
It happens to the best of us. Someone hurls a reference or punchline in your general direction, and a choice must be made. Most of us force a laugh, offer a stoic nod, or change the subject. Gator (Malcolm Roberts) don’t play no shit, lashing out at the satirical barbs of the Betoota Advocate:
— Josh Butler (@JoshButler) March 28, 2017
Bill Shorten, for spitting out the taste of pork pie (and cereal).
You are about to witness the strength of street knowledge. The act of hating a playa is all-encompassing vicissitude in the streets of the political ‘hood. Someone who knows this fact better than most is Bill Shorten. Earlier in the week, Mild Bill faced a proverbial drive-by of misdirected fact this week, when this happened:
nearly choked on my cereal. This is funny, but incorrect. Suits cost 1/4 of that. pic.twitter.com/W8tE8IAQJo
— Bill Shorten (@billshortenmp) March 25, 2017
Shamefully, Bill fired back with disagreement, shooting the accusations dead in the street.
Which is a shame, because the street is all about posturing, yo.
Also on The Big Smoke
- While you were asleep: Brexit letter legs it, Slipper gets hung in Parliament, Sean gets spicy – lawd
- While you were asleep: Don Dale changes vetoed, Comic Sans creator speaks, Apple gives us space
- While you were asleep: Qld faces cyclone with art, Australia’s Jurassic Park, True Detective season 3
- While you were asleep: Trump places bomb on Obamacare, Internet fights back, IS may be on doorstep
The “Golden Emerson” – awarded to those who waste everyone’s time with complete verbal tosh – goes to:
Twitter user @_sara_jade_, for giving her victims an easy trap door to escape through.
It can absolutely be said that getting the letters around the right way is crucial to gain a modicum of ground over those who seek to conquer. Step forward one keen-eyed individual on Twitter, who may well have cracked the Malcolm code, supposedly charting the supposed tics Turnbull displays when he supposedly lies. (Supposedly.)
Whilst the following observation does give weight to the shared belief that our politicians do on occasion skirt the edges of truth, it’s hard to entirely give oneself to it, as the syntax makes it sound like the laborious task of making a computer work in 1995.
— Sara (@_sara_jade_) March 28, 2017
Lastly, “The Bushie” – the George W Bush commemorative plaque to honour outstanding performance in the field of trumpeted “fact” – goes to:
Fox News, for proving that truth is subjective.
Fox when Trump goes golfing: he’s “working at the White House”
Fox when Obama went golfing: he’s wasting time w/ his “chums from the hood” pic.twitter.com/0hLSnFjQsT
— Leanne Naramore (@LeanneNaramore) March 27, 2017