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#AusPol winners and losers: Who paid who back?

Approx Reading Time-11A rom-com fantasy fulfilled, a classic switcheroo and a refusal of a tasty pork pie. The question remains. Who enacted revenge this week in Auspol?

 

 

 

Every Friday, your trusty commentators at The Big Smoke review the most lauded plays in the game of Australian politics from the week previous. Passionate? Unquestionably. Conniving? Undoubtedly. But it’s not about that. Headlines need to be made and an audience needs to be entertained. So, who won?

 

Winners

Bronwyn Bishop, for living out her Richard Curtis fantasies.

Ostensibly, hovering Bron has paid us back for three weddings and funeral (she’s still one short) but refuses further exposure in her spending. That’s fine however, for, as everyone knows, the fourth wedding will be hers. Which is great, because traditionally, you have to pay for your own! So, here’s hoping there’s a terrible end monologue in the rain on her doorstep; roll credits; and we all get invites.

That’d about square us.

You know I love you, I always wiiiilllll…

 

The two Ian Macdonalds, for putting the choice on us.

The majority of the casual #AusPol observers will know Ian Macdonald as the Scrooge McDuck doppelgänger, quacking from the backbench about his low parliamentary pay, and his right to pop bottles on G6’s on the taxpayer dime.

But they’d be wrong, because there is another claimant for the title of worst politician named Ian Macdonald, with the former Labor MP of the same name found guilty of misconduct of office for the handing of a Hunter Valley mine to his friend.

This leaves a rather prickly question. Which Ian Macdonald is worse? Well, you could use the court of law’s decision (yawn). Or you could judge according to your own moral compass: upsidedown mateship vs political entitlements (meh). Or there’s that other option…

Option three is pretty much Question Time now, anyway. Almost.

 


Also on The Big Smoke


 

Losers

Malcolm Roberts, for not getting the joke, and making it obvious.

It happens to the best of us. Someone hurls a reference or punchline in your general direction, and a choice must be made. Most of us force a laugh, offer a stoic nod, or change the subject. Gator (Malcolm Roberts) don’t play no shit, lashing out at the satirical barbs of the Betoota Advocate:

 

Bill Shorten, for spitting out the taste of pork pie (and cereal).

You are about to witness the strength of street knowledge. The act of hating a playa is all-encompassing vicissitude in the streets of the political ‘hood. Someone who knows this fact better than most is Bill Shorten. Earlier in the week, Mild Bill faced a proverbial drive-by of misdirected fact this week, when this happened:

Shamefully, Bill fired back with disagreement, shooting the accusations dead in the street.

Which is a shame, because the street is all about posturing, yo.

COatW8sWEAANiJ2

 


Also on The Big Smoke


 

Honourable mentions

The “Golden Emerson” – awarded to those who waste everyone’s time with complete verbal tosh – goes to:

Twitter user @_sara_jade_, for giving her victims an easy trap door to escape through.

It can absolutely be said that getting the letters around the right way is crucial to gain a modicum of ground over those who seek to conquer. Step forward one keen-eyed individual on Twitter, who may well have cracked the Malcolm code, supposedly charting the supposed tics Turnbull displays when he supposedly lies. (Supposedly.)

Whilst the following observation does give weight to the shared belief that our politicians do on occasion skirt the edges of truth, it’s hard to entirely give oneself to it, as the syntax makes it sound like the laborious task of making a computer work in 1995.

C:>Ed//

C:>Ed/Run/

 

Lastly, “The Bushie” – the George W Bush commemorative plaque to honour outstanding performance in the field of trumpeted “fact” – goes to:

Fox News, for proving that truth is subjective.

 

 

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