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Morning! What happened while you were asleep? Well, a gas attack in Syria “mysteriously” happened, scientists developed a theory to make saltwater drinkable and linesmen were announced as pushed to extinction.
Toxic gas attack leaves 50+ dead in Syria, witnesses unsure who is responsible.
The Syrian landscape is an expansive vista, one which is dotted with the morbid landmarks of mechanised, multi-faceted warfare. With the headlines so dire, and the solution so vague, the latest horror tends to be misunderstood, or shifted to the side, as details are short. What is known?
— Al Jazeera English (@AJEnglish) April 4, 2017
That being said, place the bloodiest red of pins on the city marked Khan Sheikhoun, for according to the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, a minimum of 58 are dead via the application of gas attack, with many children apparently making up that number. The problem is who pressed the button. Witnesses of the attack were unsure if the jets flew the flag of Russia, or the Assad regime.
In response to this, Al-Jazeera contacted both suspected parties, stating that “Russia’s defence ministry denied it was responsible, telling the State-run RIA news agency that it carried out no bombing runs in the area on Tuesday,” before adding “the Syrian government has repeatedly denied using such weapons and the Syrian army could not immediately be reached for comment.” It’s worth noting that jets from both the Government and Russia have been operating in that area.
Despite who is actually responsible, the images working their way into the general conversation speak volumes. However, it’s hard to figure if these horrible acts will push either side or whether the numbers will merely be added to the total of those lost, to be counted whenever the guns fall silent.
— Charles Lister (@Charles_Lister) April 4, 2017
Science develops theory to turn saltwater drinkable
Good news everybody! The melting polar ice caps (citation needed, jks) – which will soon be introducing themselves by knocking down your walls – will now apparently be drinkable. Put very simply, scientists have created a membrane that extracts the salt out of salt water, which could theoretically turn our expansive oceans into a water source.
— Horse Makovitz (@Ron_Shirt) April 4, 2017
Rahul Nair, from the University of Manchester, says the “Realisation of scalable membranes with uniform pore size down to atomic scale is a significant step forward and will open new possibilities for improving the efficiency of desalination technology,” before adding “This is the first clear-cut experiment in this regime. We also demonstrate that there are realistic possibilities to scale up the described approach and mass produce graphene-based membranes with required sieve sizes.”
Despite the fact this is still in the lab stage, it wouldn’t be remiss to say:
A-League moves to upgrade referees, common linesman now moves onto the criticially endangered list.
Now to draw attention to a species which is suddenly under threat in our community, pushed to the brink of extinction by the unfeeling hands of man. The species in question is the common linesman. Now, to be honest, no one likes to see a linesman in their house. There’s always more than one, and they’re all the same. They’re a blind, clueless sub-species of rodent, one that tries to navigate around its meagre existence shutting out the sound of the abuse hurled by its greatest predator, the spectator. Yes, the linesman is an evolutionary reject, something that, for all intents and purposes, should have been bred out; they’re a mass which no one likes, and in the collective eye, serves no meaningful purpose.
But do they deserve to exterminated?
Look. Look at his harmless blind face.
— Hyundai A-League (@ALeague) April 4, 2017
As the above link suggests, the A-League will be rolling out the “VAR”, sensibly known as Video Assistant Referees, for the remaining stretch of the season, the first premier football code to do this, in ze vurld. The system will be used in four seperate circumstances: Goal/No Goal decisions, Penalty decisions, to doublecheck straight red cards and making sure the man in the middle laid down the law on the correct antagonist.
Such an implementation is all well and good if it stamps out the shenanigans of certain players (here’s looking at you, Besart Berisha, you colossal plank). However, when this works (that’s a when, and not if), who is going to think of the linesman? Besides those steeled by the conservation sanctuary of the AFL, where linesman are free to run free, wave flags and hurl balls over their shoulder, as nature intended.
The top five Tweets from overnight:
If I was a homosexual man and I was stranded on a deserted island with Eric Abetz, I’d probably become heterosexual.
So there’s that. pic.twitter.com/13tgLUq0lE
— Kenny Devine (@TheKennyDevine) April 4, 2017
Look I haven’t been across Twitter properly today but after a quick scroll I’d like to congratulate Senator Eric Abetz on his bisexuality.
— Benjamin Law (@mrbenjaminlaw) April 4, 2017
Syrian president Bashir Assad reportedly paralyzed with dread over western response to latest chemical attack on Syrian civilians.
— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) April 4, 2017
— Johanna Speirs (@johspeirs) April 4, 2017
#BREAKING Syria ‘chemical’ attack perpetrators must be ‘held to account’: UK
— AFP news agency (@AFP) April 4, 2017