TBS Newsdesk

While you were asleep: Egypt church bombing, Editor’s nan speaks, Newsreader’s wonderful gaffe

egypt

Approx Reading Time-10Wow. Monday again. What happened while you were asleep? Well, Egypt was wracked by two bombings, a newsreader revealed herself, and the E-in-C’s nan wanted to speak with you. You’re not in trouble.

 

 

 

Two Coptic churches targeted in Egypt, 21 confirmed dead, antagonists not yet known.

In what will probably be labelled in days to come as Bloody Palm Sunday, two separate attacks on two separate churches in Tanta and Alexandria have been split by the bloodless hands of organised violence.

Disappointingly it seems that bloodletting is again vogue in the streets of Egypt, but the antagonists of the latest chapter of Middle Eastern visciousness remain unknown.

As for the official word:

Developing, and more to come.

 

Editor-in-Chief’s nan steps in, Editor-in-Chief’s head both spins, and cools. 

Hello. This is the Editor-in-Chief’s nan, here to momentarily add my two bob into your breakfasts. Good morning to you.

There’s a lot of fear around. I’m someone who fears a lot of things; global warming, tsunamis, fundamentalist terrorists. I do so, because I don’t know about those things. They’re new to me, and that scares me – the fear of the unknown.

But what I do know is the threat of World War III. I don’t want to make it a pissing contest, in that my Cold War is bigger than your Cold War, but the jangly threats of World War III have been warbled in awkward falsetto since the guns fell silent, and the bomb fell on Japan. I’m no fan of history, but it seems that by virtue of living through it, I know its face, so I can offer you this: calm down.

Yes, Donald Trump bombing Syria, and Russian warships apparently in pursuit of American ones: it’s all very scary. But we’ve been far closer to the precipice, and we’ve always stepped back from the ledge. I’ve seen Russia in Afghanistan, missiles in Cuba, the division of Germany, the horrific footage of the earth being disturbed by the worst-brained children of ours and the third wheel between the US and Russia (he might be called Assad this time, but the name is interchangeable).

The key to the lock is this: we didn’t lose our minds then, so let us not do that now. Calmer heads always prevail. No one wants a world war, despite what the headlines scream at us.

 

Reality invades world of false news reporting, online world spins off axis.

There are few golden moments in life when what’s real invades something odd that we’ve since taken as normal, and therefore strips the veneer to show how abnormal our surroundings are. With “fake news” the buzzword of late, many are voicing their view that the accepted standards for news reading are so strange: the unnatural crosses, the flipping plastic changes in voice between distraught and jovial, the frozen existence kept in between “goodnight” and “we’re out”. It’s only understandable that we should covet those strange seconds when the mask slips off and meets the floor in a thousand awkward shards.

Natasha Exelby, please take the deepest of theatrical bows for cracking the fourth wall with your megawatt confusion. Brava.

 

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