Morno! Thursday? Okay. What happened while you were asleep? Well, NK threatened the US, Taiwan moved away from tradition and terrorism attacked the beautiful game.
US/NK escalation develops, editorial teams tire of witnessing unresolved sexual tension.
Throughout the last 18 months, before after and now during the age of Trump, we at The Big Smoke have reconciled the fact that the only thing that will see us through is our cynicism. And it’s been good. Not fun. Or enjoyable, or anything close to textual satisfaction, but good. However, four months in, and most of us are done. Browbeaten by childish stupidity at our political betters acting like children.
This is apparently what can be taken from yesterday’s United States/North Korea meeting.
North Korea is looking for trouble. If China decides to help, that would be great. If not, we will solve the problem without them! U.S.A.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 11, 2017
“Our revolutionary strong army is keenly watching every move by enemy elements with our nuclear sight focused on the US invasionary bases not only in South Korea and the Pacific operation theatre but also in the US mainland.”
Subtext: “Yeah, you do that”, “Yeah, I will then”, “Good”, “Good, yeah”.
We’d all be forgiven for thinking that John Milius’ seminal, screaming eagle to Americana, Red Dawn, might actually be a documentary. (The Soviets invade Anytown USA; a group of teens take to the hills and fight them off.)
God, just bang already.
Taiwan makes it illegal to kill cats and dogs for human consumption.
There are many winners here. The Taiwanese going against a traditional delicacy to ban it outright is a rather large step, worthy of LaBeoufian applause – the Australian equivalent would be outlawing petrol station pies (although the contents might be similar). The ban covers the slaughter of aforementioned animals, but also the selling of their pets for profit. This sweeping legislation makes Taiwan the first Asian nation to do so.
So, who won? Well, the animals of course, and also the nerves of respectful foreigners weary of seeing members of their own country loudly ask, whilst visiting others, “This isn’t dog is it? Is this dog? Dog? Is it?” in a timbre coated in veiled racism.
While the Western world may regale in the news, on the other side of the dish is the perceived attack on longheld traditions. Whilst we cannot say we support the consumption of dog, we can support the idea that the world is larger than our own sensibilities; what are we without our traditions?
Great win in an otherwise complex situation.
Well done, Taiwan.
Football stands with Borussia Dortmund after bus bombing, rivalries put aside to face terror.
The beautiful thing about the game is that the rivalries only matter until they absolutely don’t. For those who missed the headline, the team bus of German Bundesliga side Dortmund was attacked whilst en route to their Champions League clash with Monaco. Defender Marc Bartra has been hospitalised (he’s fine), and the federales are now controlling the investigation.
Cases the federal prosecutors office usually takes over: Terrorism, other serious crimes threatening Germany’s internal security. https://t.co/qSUUItFPmu
— Felix Huesmann (@felixhuesmann) April 12, 2017
For a proud industrial fanbase like Dortmund, football acts as the glue to society, and any attack will just strengthen the adhesive. This was proven late yesterday as footage of the travelling Monaco fans spent the night in the houses of Dortmund fans (complete strangers, mind), but perhaps the entirety of the futility of attacking the straw that stirs many a Hofbräu in football, is best on show in this Tweet:
— FC Schalke 04 (@s04_en) April 11, 2017
For the unaware, Dortmund v Schalke is known as the Ruhr Derby, one of the deepest, and most violent rivalries in Germany, with the most notable historical tidbit being the 2012 edition which saw a restaurant razed to the ground, and 200 arrests. The rivalry represents a split between a region, workplaces and families.
For them to down tools they’ve been wielding in anger since 1925 is indeed beautiful.
The top five Tweets from overnight:
In prepared remarks, Sessions called undocumented immigrants ‘filth’
— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) April 11, 2017
Next time you argue that we live in a meritocracy, think of the insane social scaffolding that allowed this bag of toes to get his job. https://t.co/zM5UM003lU
— Benjamin Law (@mrbenjaminlaw) April 11, 2017
I’m finally one of those people who has smashed the screen on their phone.
Goodbye feeling of superiority, it was fun while it lasted.
— Reid Parker (@ReidParker_) April 12, 2017
Centrelink debts are valid #OffendEveryoneIn4Words
— Lᴏʀᴅ Wᴇɴᴛᴡᴏʀᴛʜ (@LordofWentworth) April 12, 2017
You are not entitled. #OffendEveryoneIn4Words
— Christina (@ChristinaWrote) April 12, 2017