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The rebirth of a true artist, the selling of one’s soul for sashimi and the death of tradition. All serious, all present this week in #AusPol. So, who won? No-one you dolts.
Every Friday, your trusty commentators at The Big Smoke review the most lauded plays in the game of Australian politics from the week previous. Passionate? Unquestionably. Conniving? Undoubtedly. But it’s not about that. Headlines need to be made and an audience needs to be entertained. So, who won?
Malcolm Roberts, for becoming the truest artist.
As anyone who has reached the pinnacle of their profession will attest, staying on top is harder than getting there. Staying at the crest of the peak requires a resolute, but fresh digging in of one’s skis to avoid plunging off the piste of relevance. Credit must indeed be forwarded to Senator Roberts for the weekly besting of his previous material, each a new masterpiece to ensure that he’ll forever be lauded as the Senate’s truest, boldest nutcase.
For many, his grandest artwork was his very famous Duel with a Star Man (2016, Pixels on Canvas):
But this week, the master has outshone even himself:
— Rod Moffatt (@Ozlandscapes) April 12, 2017
The question that must be, and indeed has been asked in knowing circles, edges blurred and boldness enabled by the free Sémillon is, where does one go from here? No one can know, but we all cannot wait. Malcolm, you are a true artist.
The Census, for giving us something to aim for.
Affordable housing? A use for a degree? A millennial craves not these things. What we do crave are fantastic tales of upward mobility, shining lights of possibilities, a person who, maybe, if we applied ourselves, we could be:
The “typical” Aussie is a 38yo white woman, married with 2 kids, who owns a 3 bedroom home, according to the Census. pic.twitter.com/GpzpsoVG8z
— Alice Workman (@workmanalice) April 11, 2017
Well, most of us speak English at the home…but don’t own it. And have no cars, not two. But what we do have is a starting point. All we need is fiscal inspo. Proof that it can be done… (*crickets*)
Also on The Big Smoke
- #AusPol winners and losers: Who went off the cliff this week?
- Current Affairs Wrap: Syria makes shock waves, Bell tolls for Belle, Wolverine on cutting room floor
- Trump bombs Syria, alt-right rises to condemn
The proud Labor tradition of necking an ale quick, ehhhh.
The Australian Labor Party may not know how to run a country, but something they do know is how to neck an overpriced ale in public, really rather fast. The long-standing tradition perhaps started by long-standing (and still standing) PM Bob Hawke came to a glacial, eventual end this week, as Billiam Shorten managed to polish off a schooner in a frankly piss-weak 18 seconds.
— Sam Dastyari (@samdastyari) April 9, 2017
Also, side note on the tail of the video: check out the punter who has decided that such an effort was worthy of the handshake he’s practically running to offer the Leader of the Opposition. Well, frankly it isn’t. It’s time we expected better from a Labor leader. If Bob Hawke was here with us today, he’d…
— Nine News Sydney (@9NewsSyd) April 6, 2017
The Animal Justice Party’s Mark Pearson, for selling out, but falling in a Shakespearian manner.
“I strayed for that morsel” is a wonderfully soloquiesed barb that is worthy of the bard, or at the very least the Internet-famous restaurant scammer who gave us “…this is democracy manifest”. However, the woe uttered by Mark Pearson: it’s root cause is treachery. Like noble Icarus who flew to close to the sun, and fell because of it, noble Markarus sat too close to the Teppanyaki bar, choosing seafood over the mantra of his party that stateth: “Eating fish, whether farmed or wild, is incompatible with AJP’s advocacy of a plant-based diet.”
— Sean Nicholls (@SeanNic) April 10, 2017
Judas! Although, it is Japanese seafood, so, eh.
Also on The Big Smoke
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The “Golden Emerson” – awarded to those who waste everyone’s time with complete verbal tosh – goes to:
Chris Christie, for holding onto that dirty laundry.
Yes, it was missed by Sean Spicer, Spicer is a just a programmable pantomime robot underneath that pulpit, so blame him not, for he’s just a tool…for the administration. However, we can attach blame to someone – namely one of Trump’s exes, Chris Christie, who decided to publicly act like all jilted lovers should, by making a complete tit of himself.
Christie: “Don’t bring up Hitler. Ever.” pic.twitter.com/y8ut0W2q4W
— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) April 12, 2017
“The Bushie” – the George W Bush commemorative plaque to honour outstanding performance in the field of trumpeted “fact” – goes to:
Wayne Swan, for firing insults from outside the house.
Political zingers, much like the usual tenets of comedy, operate on timing. Just like the rest of us when we figure out a premium comeback, eight hours later, in bed, it seems the Swan has swooped in slightly too late. Relevant, but, it needed to be delivered while sitting on an ugly, pastel couch.
This is the Libs 4th budget & they still can’t get their sh*t together #auspol
— Wayne Swan (@SwannyQLD) April 12, 2017