Fake News

AusPol: The view from the retirement village


Approx Reading Time-10Val Venting, the leader in the campaign to secure holiday pay for pensioners, discusses the budget impact from her retirement village.




Now I ask you, what did this budget bring to the table for the over-65s?

Sod all, that’s what.

For all the good it did to us geriatrics, Malcolm and SlowMo should take this budget and shove it up Abbott’s budget smugglers.

There’s no safe retirement homes programme, nothing to pay for an extra shout at the club, no funding for wheelchair lanes in cities, no subsidies for driverless cars, not a cracker for the Geriatric Olympic Games and I suppose we can consider ourselves lucky they didn’t introduce working for the pension.

And then Shorthairs and Chris Blowin have the gall to claim it would be better under Labor. They’d only be interested in us seniors if we formed a union and became affiliated with the CFMEU. They haven’t produced a surplus since 1989 so at my age it would be life-threatening to hold my breath.

I don’t know who’s worse: SlowMo, whose budget surpluses are always four years away or Wayne Goose, whose budget surpluses were manufactured in May but had a December use-by date.

There’s such an alarming rise in geriatricism in government policies these days that I’m amazed it hasn’t excited that Triggs person. They want seniors to vacate family homes so they take up less space, retire later so they get less pension, have less operations so the medical profession can concentrate more on achieving longer-term results with younger patients, go to a doctor for a check-up every time they want to drive a car and if all else fails there’s always euthanasia.

Only the other day Marge told me how worried she was that retirement villages could become cesspits of sin and debauchery if they didn’t qualify for arts and culture funding from the government. I told her we stood a much better chance of getting sin and debauchery funding.

And another thing I was really ropable about – all that multicultural mumbo-jumbo over the supporting cast in Shorthairs’ latest TV commercial. It was an absolute load of politically correct cobblers that missed the whole point. The commercial didn’t feature anyone over 50 and it was an absolute disgrace that there wasn’t a single geriatric of any colour. I’m definitely going to complain to Triggs under Section 18c before she leaves and joins the Greens.


Val Venting has had a distinguished career as a professional political nuisance and despite treatment hasn’t been able to stop, even in a retirement home. There was much relief however when she turned to Fake News because her real stuff had become quite unprintable.


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