While you were asleep: Mal’s Newspoll deja vu, May wobbly pre-Brexit, $300 worth of fake plants

Think of it this way: it’s one less Monday you have to face. Overnight, the nation discovered the status quo in Canberra, Theresa May’s dipping popularity and the merit of watching someone buy $300 worth of fake plants.




Labor holds lead over Turnbull in latest Newspoll, nation gives itself to boredom.

Sometimes you come across a news item and you wonder, how in the name of all that’s interesting are you going to glean a modicum of value from it? You know? At least something equally laborious, say, having your toenails forcibly removed, has some value, in that pain is its own reward, and that whatever horrors you endure, it’ll come to an end, after all, you only have ten toes. With that being said, the latest Newspoll is now official, and the score is…exactly the same as the last one. In the race of chickens, participated by two heavily-medicated icebergs, we’re almost…at…the…point…of…impact. Just anywhere between 12 and 18 months to go.


Look at their little faces. Says it all really. Although, to be fair, it’s unfair to say that both leaders of the main parties are out of touch. They’re as bored as we are. Just fight, or fuck, or whatever already. It’s essentially who blinks first. The answer, of course, is us, as both eyelids meet, closing for longer intervals at each poll, drifting in the sweet land of nod, where everything is beautiful, and nothing hurts.

Kilgore Trout for PM.


Theresa May hurt by Manchester attack, looks shaky heading into Brexit.

Following the bloodied footsteps of the terrorist act just prior to the French election, the attack in Manchester has actually hindered the polls of those who promised the swiftest retribution. As it happened to Marine le Pen, the dose is repeated for Theresa May who has seen her substantial lead over Labour shrink in the polls. She very well may win, but now not in the landscape that was predicted, and perhaps needed. Now Britain, unlike France, needs, above all, to have her ships sailing in the same direction, as the general election is followed by something starting with “B” and ending “rexit”.

Now, victory it may be, but the recorded dip in form is noted through a wealth of British data services, per the ABC.

Opinium said Ms May’s lead had slipped to 10 percentage points, down from 13 points the week before, and from 19 percentage points on April 19. Its online survey of 2,002 people was carried out between May 23 and 24. ComRes said the lead of May’s Conservatives had fallen to 12 percentage points in an online poll of 2,024 carried out from May 24 to 26, from 18 percentage points in a comparable poll on May 13. And ORB said May’s lead had halved to 6 percentage points, according to an online poll carried out from May 24 to 25.

So, while appearances matter in politics, it behoves May to keep the shine on the Britannic teapot come June, otherwise the long-held crazy plots of last year will come to the fore. Remember the plot for London to #LDNExit Britain?

Believe it.


$300 worth of fake plants makes Australia, writer’s heart stop.

It’d be remiss for me to criticise something without doing the adequate research beforehand (I see you, JK Rowling), but blinking in the dying embers of Sunday and the juvenile flame of Monday, sits what I believe to be the end of life on earth. This:

Now, I don’t want to shame anyone here, yes, Sunday is the worst night of the week, and we throw ourselves into the arms of unsuitable lovers to distract us from the brutal realities that this morning brings, I understand that, but understand this: it’s a trending tweet about $300 of fake plants.

Slightly rephrased, it was the trending tweet of last night. Sucks to be you, group of terrorists trapping 2,000 people in the Philippines, because Becca and Troysie have you beaten. Take a seat, guys, because Troy is the real villain of the piece. His fundamental lack of taste beats your fundamentalist violence. Actually, fair cop, Australia. Let’s not give undue coverage to these nitwits, and I hope that Islamic State tries to invade our thousandfold reality shows, because they’d be unleashing a tide of destruction they haven’t budgeted for. Take our lives, but not our Sunday night.


The top five Tweets from overnight:


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