Mars: The fundamental solution to violent fundamentalists

There seems to be a pattern emerging in 2017. Fundamentalists kill, and we get angry. However, I feel it’s time for a radical change, and it involves the Red Planet.




If it feels like we’ve been here, we have. Terrorism has again shown its face in 2017, and we’re familiar with its features. Hello again, you ugly cretin. I could pontificate on the theories of one western life meaning more than the thousands in the Middle East; how one death is a tragedy, a million a statistic; the roots and causes of modern terrorism; the media life cycle of these events; how we should check our macroaggression toward those who practice the same religion to whichever degree; all are valid points. However, I’ll only expand on one: the solution to fundamentalism.

Be it Muslim, Christian or otherwise, those who take a millennia-old text, copy and pasting it to the modern age as an excuse for bloodshed, can fuck right off. And, in fact, yes: I’m irritated while I write this, but we should not close our borders to these people; rather, we should evacuate them from ours. Precisely: send them all to colonise Mars.

It’s a long-standing problem that modern technology can now solve. The butchering of the innocent based on loosely-interpreted religious edict is as old as time itself. For my money, the acts of Islamic State are merely a trendy, modern cover of what the Christians loosed on the Muslims in the 11th Century. Back then it was Pope Urban II actioning the disparate people of his flock to battle heresy and secure their place in heaven through organised violence. It was so popular that there was a total of nine of these performances. So much so, that in the fourth edition, Pope Innocent III looked to take back Muslim-controlled Jerusalem, but ended up sacking Constantinople, which incidentally, flew the flag of Christianity.

Eight hundred years on and while the aggressors have switched sides, we’ve learned nothing. Violence against your enemy or indeed your own, fails to bring the change you seek. Be it the dust of Jerusalem, or the cobblestone of London.

This is not an indictment of religion, no. But we should add a pillar of salt to our thinking. I consider myself a religious person, and I can’t place the teachings I follow in the violence enacted in its name. That’s not me, or anyone else I know who serves the cross. It’s open knowledge that Islamic State looks to drive the wedge between Muslims and Christians, and indeed everyone else, but it’s safe to say that is a particularly ancient piece of marble that, to some degree, will always exist. And the actions of a majorly-armed minority does nothing to change that. And while we should absolutely mourn those slain on friendly streets, and those erased from existence on unknown streets, it would behove them to realise that the three attacks on British soil since March will do nothing to change the minds of those who witnessed their brand of justice, it will merely embolden the resistance against them. Especially in a city who cut its historical teeth on banding together around a pile of rubble when the Nazis flew into town and, conversely, when the British returned suit and decided to reduce the German civilians to dust, they followed the English example of resistance. Eventually, the leadership fell, but the innocent didn’t. Despite the horrific personal loss, the people of Germany and England carried on.

As we learned from the recent death of Parisian policeman just prior to the French election, forcing the country’s hand to vote through fear invariably doesn’t work; likewise with the shift away from Theresa May in the days after Manchester. The political crusade is set not to work, and the truth is clear. The more you stab, or run over, the more will rise to resist. You’re wasting your time, wasting innocent lives. This is independent to left or right-wing thinking, it’s a simple truth universally acknowledged:

Or get your ass to Mars.


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