TBS Newsdesk

While you were asleep: Welfare drug plan panned, Mt Druitt’s record sale, Warriors shirk White House


Wednesday. The day that is like every other day. By the way, the Government’s welfare plan was knocked, a palatial mansion was sold in Mt Druitt and the Warriors chose to not come out and play.




Vic Gov claims plan to drug-test welfare recipients as populist nonsense, makes mortal mistake.

Streuth. Tell us what you really think, Victorian Government, eh? Victoria’s premier mental health minister, Martin Foley, slammed the upcoming plan to start drug-testing recipients of Newstart and Youth Allowance, with anyone who hits the unfortunate pirate bonanza forced to walk the proverbial plank of the cashless welfare card. Foley unequivocally stated that it won’t work, because it’s “cheap populist nonsense”.

Cheap populist nonsense is actually quite in right now, and frankly if you want Victoria to continue sitting on the cool throne, perhaps you should be not so hasty to dismiss something that could well prove to be the next double denim. Wrong, but right, purely because it’s wrong.

That’s cool. Cool?


Five-bedroom house sells for record price in pit of Hell, Purgatory house market steady.

Flaming crack pipes, Batman. A five bedroom home in the third circle of hell, Mount Druitt, a place famous for de facto pleasures of the flesh, throwing rocks at the constabulary and unflattering documentaries, has swept headlines with the news that some lucky (damned) soul has traded 1.2 million of their hard-earned mortal dollars for a piece of – apparently furnished – property. One can only assume that the previous occupants had an eye in only the finest brachiosaur Ottoman fare. Got it from the Smithsonian, brudda.

In name of entirely objective journalism, here’s a slight comparison of what you can bag for the same amount overseas.

Option 1: Le Perreux, Paris.

Clasped in the two arms of Marne River, situated on an Island encompassing 1,800 square miles of verdant anonymity, a dwelling, or in the Français of the site, a “modern contemporary (dwelling) which boasts a double cathedral ceiling living room with fireplace and the kitchen open onto a terrace of 61m2. The first floor is occupied by an office space under a glass roof, four bedrooms and a bathroom. The attic space is convertible if required.”

Option 2: Oslo, Norway

Four bedrooms of fictional living. Rock the style of a Scandinavian Wes Anderson on the cusp of what can be easily described as one of Europe’s gun countries. A view worthy to have kids for.

That, or Mount fucking Druitt, although I suppose the latter has a Red Rooster.

Pop quiz, hot shot.


Golden State Warriors may shirk White House visit, may break gypsy curse.

Ne’er has there been a more perfect duality between the NBA champions and the President of the United States. They’re both equally castigated as a bastard construct highlighting the shortcomings of their respective professions. Golden State by callously harnessing Kevin Durant; Trump by doing the same measure to the lunatic fringe. Now, ordinarily, those crowned champions are shuttled to the White House for much revelry, and many moral handjobs. Everyone’s a winner.

Breaking this trend is the rumour that the Warriors will break this tradition, if this iPhone note from bench forward David West is anything to go by:

Hooray for taking the moral highroad there, but if it doesn’t happen, I say we make a brand new tradition to not go. After all, they let this man into the White House.



The top five tweets from overnight:



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