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While you were asleep: Economists kill reef, When Vlad met Olly, and Martha, Martha, Martha

Monday. Six letters, with the entirety of Hell inside them. What’s new? Well, the reef was killed by economists, Vlad had a man-date and there was injustice for Martha.




Deloitte consider moving the Great Barrier Reef to Wall Street.

Well, if it wasn’t terminal before, consider the Great Barrier Reef now on the “Do Not Resuscitate” list. The name of the disease that felled it? Hyperbole. That and climate change, but primarily the former. The number-crunching minds at Deloitte Access Economics have attached a valuation of $56b, labelling it “too big to fail”.

Those of you who are awake/woke will remember that the Obama Administration used the exact same words prior to the unprecedented bank-bail outs before-during-and-after the GFC of 2008. But, we know how that turned out. Thanks for ruining the reef, Obama.


Putin watches movie with Oliver Stone, we watch doco about it.

Last night, two bezzie besties Vladimir Putin and Oliver Stone met on SBS to partake in a classic lads’ past time: movie night. Other than the series of other issues discussed (inclusive of Vlad liking the cut our metadata jib, so much so that he might use it as a blueprint – lol – and the serious push for Olly to see Vlad’s turnip) the most eyebrow-lifting tidbit was Stone’s choice of film for them to discuss. 1964’s satire, Dr Strangelove. We only got a five-minute tidbit, but watching them watching it was akin to watching your parent’s make love.

Ten seconds was more than enough.

For those who have missed Kubrick’s movie (and shame on you), the Russians were not painted particularly well, but to be honest, neither were the Americans. The Russian premier was only contactable at a brothel, and the American general who unleashed nuclear annihilation had an unsavoury obsession with our bodily fluids. Spoiler alert: the world blew up, because everyone is stupid.

a) Have a joke, Vlad and b) Olly, pick a safer movie if you want to seal the deal. Home Alone 2? Trump predates his Presidency by taking his lack of fucks he had for Kevin McAllister and multiplying it by 74 million.


Also, Donald. Buy a new tie, yeah?


Quite attractive dog crowned World’s Ugliest after Warren Beatty reads wrong envelope.

Not really. But a more pressing question is afoot (or apaw?): Why does Martha get all the praise? Martha, Martha, Martha? Well, Jan, it’s because she’s ugly as sin. Prepare your weary Monday eyes for the consensus winner of the 29th edition of the “World’s Ugliest Dog”, or perhaps what should be renamed “Negfest”.

Martha is a Neapolitan Mastiff, who, to be fair is quite cute, and has a winner’s eye for poor sportsmanship. Here she is below looking droll as the losers (read: attractive dogs) are lead off stage into the abject obscurity of being the ugliest dog on the street no-one’s heard of.

Oh, that Froo-Froo. She couldn’t have been something. Real ugly. But she blew it.

Thinking beyond the idea of “who decides to publicly shame the thing that loves them the most?” and onto a much more universal (and less depressing) pickle: the 29th edition suffered a reverse on (faux) par (sic) with the Academy Awards when that antique pants-man read out the wrong name. Because let’s be serious here, you’d be happy to see Martha when you got home from work. And she is nowhere near as heinous as reigning winner, Beelzebub’s pooch:

Just take my soul. Take it and leave, so I don’t have to look at you.


The top five tweets from overnight:


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