While you were asleep: Friends’ coffee chart, Our next war and Rihanna’s new umbrella

As far as Thursdays go, this one is on par with Jan Brady. We know how much coffee Ross Geller drank, who wants us to go to war in Asia, and who Rihanna’s new man is. Sigh. No wonder Monday gets everything.

 

The one where we reached cerebral insolvency: ‘Friends’ coffee intake charted

As my mother always used to say, and I mean ‘mother’ inasfar as the algorithm that programmed me: 0,1,1,0,0,0,1. Translated: ‘I fear that the sheer amount of information available will make us stupid.’ And while I’d hate to calculate before all the data is in, it seems that she was proved right, with the gift of technology butchered to tabulate coffees imbibed per character per episode in the television ‘comedy’ Friends. Which, and I can’t stress this enough, was fiction, so the coffee was not real. But, I suppose many millions of people online cannot be wrong about a topic, so in the interest of fairness, I present the snake eating itself, in graph form:

But, I suppose many millions of people online cannot be wrong about a topic, so in the interest of fairness, I present the snake eating itself, in graph form:

 

Did I gain sentience for this? It’s enough to make you get all murdery. Like Uncle Hal.

 

US wants Australia to police Islamic State in Asia, ignorant of region’s history

According to one military figure, Australia could soon be fighting Islamic State in the familiar streets of South East Asia. Now, it’s worth noting that the man pushing for this has no political power in this country. Unfortunately, he is a US Marine, which, if you didn’t spend History smoking in the girl’s toilets with the cool kids will know that those kinds of people have convinced us to bear arms in the past. Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq etc.

Lieutenant General David Berger of the USMC fears the spread of “movement of violent extremist organisations” in Indonesia, the Philippines and Malaysia, all countries that have a high Muslim population. He spit polished the boots of his hyperbole, adding: “I think the potential for it to spread is there, we should not underestimate it.”

Well, call me a coward/student of history, but working off the assumption of the few, over the many, and using fear to colour our misunderstanding has enabled the worst of us to walk the earth. It’s apples to oranges, and communists to fundamentalists, but the last time we accept this fear and let the Americans speak for us was back in the early sixties, playing our part in the death of 500,000 Indonesians at the hand of their own government. We supplied the names, they supplied the punishment.

Best we tread carefully.

 

Rihanna takes dip with stranger, Internet produces memes in support

While we’re unfamiliar with the name of the person who invented the Umbrella, we’re absolutely crystal clear on who sung about it. Therefore, Rihanna, eh, eh, eh, is worthy of our attention, eh, eh, eh. The latest instalment of Let’s not dwell on why we care so much rolled out to much fanfare as the world pondered who is that man?

 

 

Well, after much Internet, we can exclusively confide that he is industrialist Samuel Fox.

Look it up. (He invented the Umbrella – Ed)

 

The Top 5 Tweets from Overnight

 

 

 

 

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