In another fascinating insider insight, Lucy reports on Malcolm’s prime ministerial perambulations through the G20, the Palace and Paris, and finally ending up in the middle.


Malcolm and I felt really at home at the G20.

There’s no doubt that Malcolm is at his very best when he’s in a position to take an overview of world affairs, similar to the overview Sarah Hanson Young takes for whale watching although it costs taxpayers a whole lot less.

The Trumps turned out to be an absolutely fascinating mix of Melania and megalomania.

I particularly appreciated the time that Malcolm and I were able to spend with Emmanuel and Brigitte. The realisation that she’s so much older than me gave me encouragement that by the time I’m her age I too could be the wife of a President.

Putin particularly appreciated that it was Malcolm at the G20 rather than Tony because that meant he could leave his chest protector at home.

President Xi’s main takeaway from the G20 was an intercontinental ballistic prawn dumpling which he was encouraged to launch towards North Korea.

I mentioned Bill Shorten to Theresa May and she asked me if it was a parliamentary process to save time.

I felt a real connection chatting to her and Angela Merkel and it made me ponder whether I would be the right choice as Malcolm’s successor. Then it struck me I would have to go through that utterly tiresome experience of getting elected.

Malcolm’s visit with the Queen went extraordinarily well and I’m sure she really appreciated his offer to take back the knighthood if it was causing Philip too much embarrassment.

I was astounded that Malcolm’s speech in the UK about being in the middle caused such a furore. Surely no-one could seriously expect him to be on the right when it’s inhabited by Tony, Cory Bernardi, Eric Abetz and Alan Jones or on the left along with Bill Shorten, the CFMEU, the ABC and Lee Rhiannon. And let’s face it he’s too intelligent and unpopular to become a populist.

The first thing I heard on returning to Australia was that one of the Greens Senators is a Kiwi. Heaven knows what planet all the rest of them come from.

It was disappointing that Malcolm lost the fifteenth Newspoll in succession because it will only take another fifteen before Tony demands the job back.




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