While you were asleep: Ivanka steps in for dad, Monopoly’s darkest hour, and nazi writes love letter to Hitler

I hope everyone loves bacon and eggs and jackboots, because for some reason its whats on the world’s menu. Trump, Monopoly, Nazis. What a trifecta. Make it stop.

 

(Ivanka) Trump castigates white supremacists, Donald follows suit. Eventually.

This morning greets you with a kiss. A Liverpudlian version of, as finally, there’s movement the Trump camp addressing the undercurrent of white supremacy that swept through Virginia over the weekend. Sadly, it came from the wrong one, as Ivanka, in classic Trump family fare took to Twitter to explain the moral station her father sailed through.

 

Donald soon added to that, saying ‘of course’ he condemned the behaviour of the KKK, neo-nazis and white supremacists:

 

via GIPHY

Hello? Hello, Donald? Anybody home? Think McFly. Actually, a side note on an alternate Donald, because America makes me sad these days. In the original Back to the Future, Ubermensch Biff Taffen was turned from hulking bully/manure antagonist to car polishing cuck after Marty secures his parents first kiss in 1955, right? In this new timeline, The McFly’s are now successful. Happy times. Now, at the end of the movie, George explains to Marty that he knew Biff from high school, and that he was “always a character”. Lolsies how things turn out, eh. Well, no. That man was your wife’s attempted rapist, and now what? He’s hanging out the McFly house press-ganged into automobile servitude and all is good?

U wot m8?

 

Game of survival referenced in a game of survival; writer makes desperate attempt to avoid covering Nazis.

A game of no survivors, one where one must outfox your fellow man, where supplies are short and the knives to plant in the backs of people are long indeed. One where you’re planted on a mysterious island where the place names are foreign, and you must build shelter from scratch. I’m talking, of course about Monopoly. The game that launched a thousand trial separations had a brief cameo on another nonsense game I’d never waste my time with, Survivor. Which, I ironically, I suppose I’m doing now.

Anyway! I’m not sure how the show works, but a group of people, who may be motorcyclists due to the amount of tasteless headbands present, grouped around a campfire, perhaps to ward off the pimply members of the film crew wanting to have a crack at the most aesthetically pleasing cast, I don’t know. But, one character, who looks like a mum down on her luck with nothing to lose, referenced it in a lazier allegory as my previous paragraph did.

 

Idiot. You put hotels on the cheap half of the board and bleed them slowly. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your money on one square, hoping that the numbers come your way. Do you even Monopoly, bro? 

 

Accused Charlottesville murderer writes mash note to Hitler, still awaiting response.

I desperately wanted to avoid visiting Charlottesville this morning, because who wants Nazis for breakfast, but into the whatever numbered Reich these morons are calling themselves we must traipse, as the accused killer, James Alex Fields Junior has a rather unsavoury crush on someone rather unsavoury. Now, I won’t say who it is, but it rhymes with Dadolph Ritler. Apathetic thumbs up to you, sir.

Now in the land of fake news, post-truth, sanitised lies and pork pies, who knows if this statement is true, because what is truth? Trumpie don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. But, according to the teacher of the accused, James “…had white supremacist views. He really believed in that stuff”, who later wrote, “…a big lovefest for the German military and the Waffen-SS”. Which, and allow me to interject slightly here, but Mr Weimer’s tone doesn’t fit that of an educator. I mean what high school teacher uses the term stuff?

Although, James did (apparently) run down an innocent woman at a white hate rally, so, fair cop.

 

The Top 5 Tweets from Overnight

 

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