TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Daleks vote yes, US fires back at Irma, John McCain’s cancer bout

So, Monday again. While you were dozing, the world got weird. The genocidal robots from Dr Who marched for marriage equality, the US strapped up against a weather front and John McCain faced the media about his cancer.



‘Yes’ crowd garners support from the most pre-eminent murderers in the Whoniverse.

Exterminate…injustice? Yesterday, many many feet took to the many streets of Sydney to boom their voices in the affirmative regarding marriage equality. That being said, there was a rather interesting cameo, as the forever antagonists of Dr Who, the Daleks painted themselves pink, and rolled alongside the shifting rainbow mass. That being said, I have questions. A) Since when were they all about anything beyond mass murder, and how much of this new leaf have they turned over. If so, do we want such violent political forces as part of a peaceful campaign? and B) Who painted them? It’s hard to produce an even coat when your only appendage is a toilet plunger.



Floridians band together to take on Irma with their constitutional rights (read: guns)

In perhaps the most ‘Murican moment since the LA citizen who evaded police in a stolen car before stopping off to do some roof yoga in a Lakers jersey, it seems that the inclement weather that is drowning Miami has encountered a force greater than it – the Second Amendment enabled index fingers of Anytown, USA who have decided to take on Hurricane Irma with their Armalight arsenals, boy howdy.



I mean, Jesus. And I know he might be your co-pilot, or spotter, or the buddy who digs holes in the middle of the night and don’t ask no questions, but I ask you this. If this plot works, and you scare off a storm with a hail of bullets, what then? What if the next one comes back with friends? So, yes, bigger guns, but is there an exit strategy here?



McCain takes to CNN to discuss his ongoing cancer treatment.

John McCain is a hard man to figure, especially in our view of him. He was the proto-Republican candidate against the demigod of our hearts, Barack Obama, so he became the default antagonist, what with his non-Obama-ness and all. Since then, he’s gone the full Lazarus in the collective eye, trading a hospital bed for the Congress floor to callously swat down the Trump’s Obamacare repeal, all while fighting the Big C in his upstairs cupboard. Speaking of which, he met with the folks at CNN to discuss said Cancer overnight.



While he might soon perish, as I suppose we all will (Happy Monday to you), at least his legacy is secured, with his lifelong service to the nation, but for everyone else outside that nation, he’ll forever be remembered for his Herculean cockblock. Respect.


Although, there’s that whole argument that the fact that his healthcare is great, and many American’s lesser so, but we can fight about that later.



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