Pauline Hanson raising the voting age to 21 makes a certain kind of sense. But, I vote that she missed an opportunity to push it further. Fortunately, I’ve got her back.



Recently, Senator Pauline Hanson went on her favourite sponsor, Sunrise, and said that she thought that the Greens’ Sarah Hanson-Young’s suggestion for lowering the voting age to 16 was, to put it bluntly, dumb. Sorry, what she actually said was that the voting age should be raised to 21 because most young people have “never held a job, they’ve never paid any taxes, they have no understanding of politics.”

Wow, Pauline, you’re right. Despite the fact that many young people hold jobs – I myself have been working since I was legally able to do so at 14 and 9 months – and thus must technically pay taxes, their minds are too susceptible to being, in your words, “brainwashed”. You are totally correct, young people have no understanding of politics, which is why they speak out so often or hold demonstrations or any other such political thing. I mean, they’re old enough at 16 to have sex, but they can’t drink, so obviously they’re dumb as rocks and useless to boot. They just don’t get it.

But why are we stopping there? I mean, to be frank, Pauline, we should probably re-evaluate letting women vote, what do you think? I mean there are probably some of them out there who have never had a job, paid taxes or understand politics, right? If those are your standards, goodness, we must do a survey at once! Maybe another postal vote. The question can be quite simple:

“Do you think women understand politics as much as men? Yes/No.”

That, in my opinion, also doesn’t go far enough! Immigrants to this country – citizens or not – shouldn’t be allowed to vote either, what do you think? I mean they’ve come here from somewhere else, so they have all these mixed up ideas about politics because they haven’t been exposed to Australian culture and politics from birth. And there’s probably some out there who haven’t had jobs and paid taxes, right?

“Do you think immigrants understand politics as much as born citizens? Yes/No.”

Gosh, though, what am I thinking? What about Aboriginal people? They certainly couldn’t understand Australian politics at all, having been so desperately marginalised for so long by Australian politics and politicians. No, no, no, their opinions simply won’t do.

“Do you think Aboriginal people understand politics as much as non-Aboriginal people? Yes/No.”

Non-whites are always making issues about race, aren’t they Pauline? I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty tired of hearing about that. I’m tired of people telling me that the racist things I say are racist and that I’m not allowed to say them! Besides, our laws were designed by – and let’s be honest, for – white people, right? Let’s strike them off the list.

“Do you think people of colour understand politics as much as white people? Yes/No.”

Oh, but some people are tricky, aren’t they? They’re white but they’re not “white”, am I right? Let’s be honest, those pesky Jews are so different front Christians, right? I mean, not as different as Muslims, obviously, but they do wear those strange hats. And they’re so good with money, right? That can’t be good for the economy. And the laws may be based on “Judeo-Christian” teachings, but we know which half of that is more important and relevant to Australian society, right? We get Christmas and Easter breaks, not Passover and Rosh Hashanah breaks.

“Do you think Jews understand politics as much as Christians? Yes/No.”

But where is my head at!? What’s been all over the news lately? Same-sex marriage! Those loud LGBTQ people. They’re so “oppressed” by the law, right Pauline? They can’t possibly understand where lawmakers and politicians are really coming from. Every view they have is completely skewed! And I heard they’d rather party in bright, loud clubs than vote or work or pay taxes.

“Do you think LBGTQ people understand politics as much as straight people? Yes/No.”

Wow, that feels so much better, doesn’t it? Who does that leave? White, Christian, heterosexual men. The way God intended it. But, goodness, there are some unemployed men who don’t pay taxes, and some of them don’t understand politics either. Some even have delicate dispositions! Some of them even vote for the Greens! No, that shows a fundamental misunderstanding of politics, doesn’t it?

“Do you think men understand politics? Yes/No.”

That doesn’t really leave anybody to vote, does it? Well, I guess we can just trust those who have already been elected to vote for each other, select leaders and judges. That feels better. Abdicate the responsibility. That way, there are no foolhardy civilians thrown into the mix. Let the Politician Class be its own organism. Let them rule us from their castles in Canberra, while the rest of us worry about Instagram and avocado toast and whether or not our next landlord will allow pets in our rental apartment.

Don’t worry, Pauline, I’ve got your back.


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