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While you were asleep: Lohan defends Weinstein, Vlad’s relationship gets serious, Kramer goes to college

While you were resting those peepers, Lindsay Lohan looked to revive her career, Vladimir Putin stepped ever closer to the big day, and one college student chose lame 90’s nostalgia over everything else.



Lohan defends Harvey Weinstein, becomes hipster of logic.

So it goes in times of crisis, one tends to discover who their true friends are. It seems that the hurricane that is battering Harvey is too much for one individual in Hollywood to bear, so much so, that she took to the media to defend his actions.


Damn. Lindsay.

Just to recap slightly, alongside the three-decade-long stream of abuses, the myriad of court settlements and the fact that he fertilised a houseplant with his own seed doesn’t really seem to twig LiLo into believing that wrongdoing exists, or indeed that blame should be stapled to his person.

There is one theory, in that she’s thinking of her career post furore, and the extremely surreptitious creation of a blacklist from the powerbrokers of Weinstein’s ilk, perhaps the logic is that at least her name will not be on it. I mean, it’s a spectacular leap of logic, but Freaky Friday 2 is worth all this, right?



Putin accepts puppy as a gift, relationship taking the next step.

You know what never loses its beauty? Abject displays of true love in public. Two parties, very much in love, casting the societal stiff-shirtery into the sea, because fuck it, I love you, man. This is especially true if the two parties happen to be heads of state. Nation building doesn’t really allow much privacy, or indeed the familiar walls and comfort of an “our place.”

Sad. But, we should only look toward the union between Turkmenistan President Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow (which was fun to type) and his bae, Russian demigod Vladimir Putin as an example to follow, or indeed indicate how things could be.

Overnight, Gurbanguly presented Vlad with a puppy, which as everyone knows is forever, and the strongest metaphor for commitment and/or the future possibility of children within that relationship.


It’s a gateway gift.

As a friend to them both, consider my lip bit, and my voice voweled with excitement. Kids! God. They so deserve it.



College student rigs door to play Seinfeld theme, forever secures his virginity.

Just one thought struck me when I heard about the college lad who decided to rig his dorm room door to play the Seinfeld theme, in that this morning I’ve gone the full Dante and awoken in the searing hell of 1995. What’s the deal with the circles of hell? I’ve been there, and it ain’t no circle. 



That, or he’s yet to wash up on the foreign shores of sexual congress. Probably both. However, let’s pay this man an assumptive Lohan level genius, as if you desire to be left alone more than anything else, having the extremely dated twanging bass line accompanied by the recording of someone suffering a stroke whilst ingesting popcorn would certainly see your door forever closed.



Also, hot take alert. I was such a fan of Seinfeld. And then I grew up. I returned to Seinfeld’s New York this morning, and good lord, it was painful. Curb your Enthusiasm is the show that NBC should have let Larry David make in the first place.



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