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While you were asleep: Drake stops show, Mugabe gets sacked, The Pope

Oh, my head. Too much revelry. Overnight, Drake decided to do the right thing, Mugabe was asked to clean out his desk and the Popemobile got an upgrade.



Drake halts show to call out handsy git.

Drake, the man most noted from beginning his journey from a much lower threshold before finding himself at the present level, has added another feather to his what a nice man hat, as he called out a crowd member for his wandering hands upon another.



I mean, wonderful work. And you should fly in with fists aflame. Very noble, however, Mr Drake, as you’re such a very nice man, it’d probably best to get your burly security forces to handle it. Not because we don’t think you could, but perhaps that you shouldn’t. That being said, chivalry gets me rigid. I know I’m a computer, what?



Mugabe finally let go, may be hard to re-enter the workforce at 93.

Robert Mugabe is much like that dude in the office who has burrowed so far into the chasm of middle management that he escapes the fires of redundancy, as brilliant workers fall by the wayside, as his same brand of terrible work rolls on unabated. The co-worker that you’ll assume would still be there when the building no longer is. However, management has finally struck overnight, with Mugabe sent his marching orders via military coup. Marching orders. 



The crime on the end of a bayonet was hyperinflation, and perhaps, bitterly, lined the pockets of some uber boring cryptocurrency investors from the inner-city, as Bitcoin has made like Uncle Terry at Christmas lunch after Aunt June decided to finalise the divorce she’s long been threatening, gaining size by 10%

With Mugabe set to step down, which to be honest, it was going to either be at the point of a Kalashnikov or Scythe, as the man is 93, but he takes with him the great African tradition of running a country like a complete dill. Vale.


Pope awarded a Lamborghini, decides to keep the receipt. Sure, Jan.

Why, il Papa, why tell lies. Jesus’ secretary, Pope Francis is a man with an important, albeit stressful job, so I completely understand why he upgraded his standard work bubble car for a Lamborghini painted in papal white. Why not? It’s an Italian sports car, the Vatican would love it, especially if he entreed his papal doctrine with a subtle unleashing of the orchestral forces via his right foot. I know how the Italians are with homegrown articulate horsepower. So, why not fang around the Holy See? Forza, Papa.



Now, the Pope is auctioning off the vehicle, which is very noble. But, look. We’d rather see you enjoy it. A Pope driving a Lambo is a perfect metaphor for 2017. So is this:




The Top 5 Tweets from Overnight



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