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With Christmas almost here, we tasked the Finally Famous Book Club girls to endure some of the seasonal classics we all love, but they certainly don’t. Bah humbug.
The festive season is on our doorstep so we gals in the Finally Famous Book Club got together to share our thoughts on a Christmas classic. We started reading A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, but sadly not one of us got past the first page, so we turned to our preferred literary medium, the TV. We found ourselves watching the movie Love Actually, a 2003 film full of a great cast working through multiple narratives about the weeks leading up to Christmas. We decided to pick that apart instead.
We watched the intro, then Neen loudly commented: “This movie’s going to make us vomit”. Babs was expecting her to say “cry”, so that was the first surprise.
The opening sequence with Bill Nighy singing badly elicited cringey looks between us. Typically, Sandra hadn’t noticed yet as she was staring out the window at the hydrangeas and thinking about our next project – the Gardening Club.
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All the Christmas paraphernalia in the film made us think, “Oh groan, we have to face the shops and buy Christmas presents. How boring, can’t we just give everyone a few dollars?” (As worthy as it is, we knew no one would want a goat in a village in a third-world country.)
Back to the movie. The Prime Minister, played by Hugh Grant, is exactly like our prime minister – he doesn’t do much. He was as convincing a PM as Mr Bean because he couldn’t put two words together. Ridiculous! Plus he should have sacked that dumb girl who we all predicted he was going to marry. Janet commented, “If only I’d known how to catch a rich, powerful man. All I’d need to do is swear stupidly. How did she get that job!”
We absolutely loved the wedding scene when the band started playing All You Need is Love. We’ll put that in the memory bank for one of the kids’ weddings. It’s probably the only scene in the whole movie actually worth watching. Although we were all very puzzled that the bride and groom hadn’t noticed the rent-a-crowd (aka the band) in the audience.
When negative comments were made by some of the characters about the DJ’s playlist at the reception, Neen said in her best Kath Day-Knight voice, “I don’t agree”. She loves Donny Osmond.
Another thing we all loved was the choice of song at the funeral scene – one by the Bay City Rollers. Sandra has now added Bye Bye Baby to her long list of funeral songs. She also revealed that her husband Chris was the only man in the whole of England who attended a Bay City Rollers concert dressed as Woody.
Colin Firth: our message to you is to stick to Jane Austen and go back to Pemberley.
The rest of the film consisted of a sleazy American President; a couple of porn body doubles (what was that about?); a horny English lad who travelled to America because apparently every bar there is full of equally horny stunning women ready to jump anything with an English accent; a nativity scene that included Spiderman and a lobster. The nonsense just kept coming! How about the young boy’s crash course in drumming? Amazing! Not to mention his dash through the airport security to kiss the love of his life at the ripe old age of ten. When Neen pressed the rewind button, Babs shrieked, “Stop! We don’t want to watch it twice!”
Maybe we’re just getting cynical in our old age.
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Clearly, our recommendation is to avoid this film. Sorry to any fans – we apologise to both of you. If you really want to get that fuzzy feeling to get you in the Christmas spirit, please view the following.
Da Kath Kim Code is a Fountain Lakes Chrissy classic and includes the clever use of chicken fillets. Another favourite features our dearly recently departed David Cassidy from The Partridge Family, season 2 episode 13, entitled “Don’t Bring Your Guns To Town, Santa” which includes Keith’s classic line, “I guess I’ll lick my lolly later.” What a great hunk o’ spunk!
Then, of course, there’s Santa Buddies. There’s nothing like a litter of adorable little Labrador puppies under your Christmas tree.
If nostalgia is what you’re looking for you can’t go past the classic It’s a Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart; Home Alone; and the fabulous White Christmas starring Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney (George’s aunty) and Vera Ellen (“Really Neen,” sighed Janet, “do we have to mention the whole cast?”) which contains our theme song, Sisters, the song we choose for all our lip sync battles.
Whatever you chose, just remember that “Christmas is all around us”, and from the Finally Famous Book Club: “We love you David, we’ll miss you”.