Facebook’s solution to the harm they cause you is…more Facebook

Recently, something strange happened. While Facebook admitted that their platform causes you harm, their solution was a thick amount of nonsense.



Facebook is a strange beast, in that is equal parts the disease and the cure. Much like love and marriage, you certainly can’t have one without the other, and it is certainly an institute you can’t disparage, lest you run the risk of divorce. And who wants that? Well, all of us, and none of us.

A couple of days ago, a post that echoed the Bundian sentiment strangely appeared on Facebook’s corporate blog space admitting that the negative connotations surrounding the ‘book may in fact be legitimate. However, much unlike most other admissions of guilty in recorded history, the Californian time burglars saw the solution as a non-plus sum, claiming that the greatest salve to apply on the wounds they caused is more Facebook.

Doing the maths, and Simply put:

If Facebook (fb) = bad (neg)


neg x fb(3) = good

The post (authored by researchers at Facebook) illustrates the downside of the site, stating that the effect it has on relationships and mental health are troubling. Duh. They also point to research that suggests scrolling through Facebook, and abusing the “like” button, makes us feel poorly. Does that mean we actually don’t like the things we like? I don’t think I’m ready for that existential crisis. In the words of the post “In general, when people spend a lot of time passively consuming information—reading but not interacting with people—they report feeling worse afterward.”

Passively consuming’ is the buzzword to clutch to your bosom, as therein apparently lies the key. Leaning on the old go outside and play metric, the researchers believe you should be more involved. Instead of just liking things, and scrolling through our feeds, they suggest that we should be one of those irritating social media people. Send more messages, post more updates, leave more comments, click more reaction buttons. Blergh. “A study we conducted with Robert Kraut at Carnegie Mellon University found that people who sent or received more messages, comments and Timeline posts reported improvements in social support, depression and loneliness.”

So, much like any addict worth their salt, it’s not that they have a problem, but rather you have a problem with them.

And indeed, if we start using less with them, they’ll see us as no longer fun, and just find someone else who will.

You’re that toxic partner we all have Facebook. I love you, but you’re not good for me.

Love reacts only to this article, plz.

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