Fake News

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TBS Fake News is our response to the impressive worldwide growth of this phenomenon. Unlike fake news in other publications, however, our readers can be fully confident that TBS leaves nothing to chance in ensuring that our version is a one hundred percent genuine Fake.

Politics: The second oldest profession under threat

It’s clear that the profession of politics is a dying industry, but I’m wondering if we can replace them with anything better?



Politics is increasingly looking like a profession that we could elect to do without.

Even the apolitical antics of Trump are seemingly not enough to put people off the prospect of Oprah succeeding him in preference to another politician.

While she’s arguably a better option than Ivanka or Chelsea Clinton, there has to be some doubt about whether she’s made of the right stuff. Taking over the US from Trump could be like taking over Queensland Nickel from Clive.

Gone are the days when a politician was the automatic choice for the job of President or Prime Minister. There is a growing feeling that we should keep our options open in case Second Oldest Profession becomes indistinguishable from the First.

Getting a celebrity to run a country rather than a politician at least lends reassurance that you’re getting someone with a track record of doing something popular.

In order to end the tradition of politicians becoming the Prime Minister in Australia it would be necessary to stop electing them to parliament or indeed electing anyone with the propensity to become a politician once in parliament. This would require intensive vetting procedures to identify candidates who can lie straight in bed, have never worked for the ABC or Murdoch and have never been a member of a union that isn’t either heterosexual or same-sex.

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It hardly inspires confidence that politicians who have made it to the top in Brazil, NSW and South Korea show an increasing tendency to end up in the slammer at the end of their term.

And we have to be so wary of the growth of collusion in politics these days. Alexander Downer colluded with the Americans about the Trump campaign colluding with the Russians about Hillary’s collusions but Sam colluded directly with the Chinese and we would all have been arguably better off if he’d colluded directly with the Russians as well.

There is bitter disappointment right across the community that the proud heritage of grand political sex scandals pioneered by John Profumo, Bill Clinton, Cheryl Kernot and Gareth Evans seems to have been lost. Politicians have had their chance so now perhaps it’s time to give someone else a go.

The decline in professional political standards, however, raises grave concerns that it could lead to someone like Alan Jones or Gillian Triggs becoming the Prime Minister of Australia. And the incumbency of a non-politician as the leader in North Korea has hardly been a raging success.

Maybe the answer lies in the Second Oldest Profession taking steps to achieve the same satisfaction levels among its supporters as the First.


Hugo Morthanigo is renowned worldwide for leaking Fake News stories.


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