Well, it’s abject insanity for breakfast again I’m afraid, as Japan enabled a moronic trend, a man raised charity through self-harm and we know KFC’s secret recipe. Again.
Well, I’m just going to call it now, so when it blows up, I can smugly feel validated. Crank the klaxon as 2018’s first questionable fad is upon is. The false doomsday alarm challenge. Not a week since one forward-thinking trendgineer in Hawaii kicked off the possibility of the apocalypse, Japanese broadcaster NHK has kept the momentum rolling.
The cool thing about it was that NHK followed Hawaii exactly, sending a wave of text alerts to phones around the country stating unequivocally that North Korea had launched a missile, before later confirming that said missile didn’t actually exist, and ahhhh got ya. Classic.
Japan’s national broadcaster NHK has apologized after sending a news alert incorrectly claiming that North Korea had launched a missile https://t.co/8oXS20KpiQ
— CNN (@CNN) January 16, 2018
As far as trends go, it’s pretty shit. I love the lawless impulsive fear it enables, but I feel overexposure will strip it of its value. I mean, as soon as Ellen DeGeneres gets a hold of it, it’s over.
That being said, at least it’s not the Harlem Shake.
I know you should never look a gift horse in the mouth, as it will angrily trample your with its helpful hooves, but…here’s looking at you, glue. Overnight, YouTuber Graham “The Christian” Heavenrich trumpeted the catchphrase of rap music’s anti-christ one million times for the impoverished children of America.
— Highsnobiety (@highsnobiety) January 16, 2018
Naw. I mean, no. I mean, it’s a great feat of moronic endurance, sure. However, if I was a child in need of new shoes, or a bag for school, and I have certainly been both, would I accept the garments knowing that they were only made possible by a (gucci) gang of nefarious intent?
I’m unsure. However, everyone knows about the Lil Pump curse, where it is said that whoever says his name online a million times will summon the beast, and he’ll severely reduce your IQ as punishment from being awakened from the nether realm.
Thoughts and prayers go out to Graham The Christian.
Gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang.
I can’t confirm this for absolutely sure, but there’s nothing that dead genius hate more than their apathetic relatives, specky little shits they’ve never met, freeloading off their legacy. I mean, George Orwell’s 1984 sits atop the best-seller list, and you suspect that George Orwell III just purchased a sweet flame job to sex up his uber yacht. There’s no anti-Telescreen/dangers of technology/autocracy foundation on Google, and by, George we certainly need it in 2018.
That’s up for debate. However, one the last few true secrets in the world, The Colonel’s Seven Secret Herbs and Spicers has apparently been leaked by a living cousin of Harlan, which essentially means that the cat is out of the bag, and the chicken is in the pan.
Colonel Sanders’ nephew revealed the family’s secret recipe — here’s how to make KFC’s ‘original’ fried chicken pic.twitter.com/g1JLt9xf59
— Business Insider (@businessinsider) January 16, 2018
So, way to tear down the family legacy, dingus. However, suspicion abounds, as I no longer trust those dudes. You see, they lied to us. The viral kick in which one man figured out that the Colonel only followed the Spice Girls and five dudes named Herb on Twitter was a very smart marketing campaign, which made me feel stupid.
Moreover, the cousin releasing the recipe is nothing new, as the sharpest, laziest Google search will reveal that the original leak dates back to early 2017. J’accuse!
The Top 5 Tweets from Overnight
Take the color yellow. Our brains associate it with a lemon smell and a slightly acidic taste. Offered two of these three sensory cues, the brain will fill in the blanks. https://t.co/cPZZSdEx3H
— NPR (@NPR) January 9, 2018
Please stop politicizing Martin Luther King Day. Instead reflect on this famous quote from his “Everything’s Fine” speech: pic.twitter.com/YcPjO60w2w
— pixelated boat (@pixelatedboat) January 15, 2018
WINNER: Tweet of the day. 😂👏 pic.twitter.com/xJYbloB0SX
— SPORF (@Sporf) January 16, 2018
elon musk has just contacted the nsw premier to say that he will solve the train problem within 100 hours by building a new transport system using predominantly magnets and llamas
— jess wheeler (@wheelswordsmith) January 16, 2018
WATCH: Sen. Orrin Hatch removes a pair of glasses he’s not wearing pic.twitter.com/QXCCb4RHzn
— Jon Levine (@LevineJonathan) January 16, 2018