Josie Jakovac

A pun-based investigation of the strangest things found in fast food

Every so often, weird things are found in our fast food, which happens to find the news. But how much of it is true? Well, we endeavoured to find out. Mind the puns.

 

 

Ever been surprised by what you find in your food? We’re not talking about pea protein, bone broth or coconut flour. We’re talking about the more questionable edge of our fare. After reports of a “full-fledged hairy mouse” discovered in a burger at a Perth Pub, let us take a deeper look into the strangest and grossest things found in food across the globe.

However, in the name of public service, we’ll be exposing the falsehoods as fake news. From live scorpions in a bag of bananas to human teeth in a block of cheese to Kentucky Fried rat, say goodbye to your appetite and hello again to what was once your breakfast. Still weirdly fascinated?

So are we.

 

#1 12-year-old girl finds maggots in a bag of rice

Wriggling into the first spot on this list is young Maisy Dean’s discovery of eight squirmy lumps with brown heads in a sample of boil-in-the-bag rice.

After mass social media coverage, the supermarket chain ‘Morrisons’ promised an investigation into the rather unsavoury matter, but no outcome has since been published. Protein and carbs? This might be the answer to every struggling Uni student’s dream…or the source of their nightmares.

It really is a glass-half-empty/ half-full scenario, don’t you think?

Verdict: Questionable

 

#2 Finger found in Wendy’s Chili

2005 was the year for finger food. In San Jose, California, a woman allegedly found a severed human finger in her bowl of chili. Wendy’s went so far as to offer a 5-digit reward for any information on the finger’s origin. Detectives soon revealed that the dismembered thumb actually belonged to a Nevada man who’d given it to the woman’s husband, hoping to scam the restaurant chain.

Verdict: Fake

 

#3 Condom in a Big Mac

Homophones are important. This is the only take-home message from William Smith’s ‘bun mishap’ in Pennsylvania, 1999. The manager on duty gave the man two free meals in damages which did nothing to deter Smith from filing a lawsuit on grounds of physical & emotional suffering inflicted by the unwanted latex.

Verdict: True. Unfortunately.

 

via GIPHY

 

 

#4 Nails found in Mac-and-cheese

We know that women need additional iron, but here’s an example of manufacturers taking health recommendations a bit too far. A Gloucester woman ingested one three-inch nail and found a further trio of metallic assassins swimming in her cheesy sauce.

Verdict: Nailed it. True.

 

#5 A rat in baked beans

“No one knows exactly how it got in, but since bean starch was found in its stomach during the investigation, clearly greed was its downfall,” shared the Independent newspaper in 2011. 

Verdict: True

 

#6 Live scorpion in bag of bananas

The tell-tale sign was the bananas sharp taste. This Costa Rican venomous traveller was found in a supermarket in Britain much to the horror Nisa Phoenix.

Verdict: True

 

 

#7 A chicken head in a Happy Meal

The second abomination on this list which’ll inevitably crush every McDonalds connoisseur’s feeling of security and bliss. A woman in Virginia sued McDonald’s for $100,000 after finding a chicken head in a box of wings thanks to the alarmed screams of her 8-year-old son.

Verdict: True

 

#8 Kentucky-Fried Rat

This claim first appeared in 1976. An old lady was allegedly enjoying her bucket when she noticed teeth and fur on her piece of chicken. Slowly pulling back the crispy skin she discovered that another furry creature lay drowned in batter and oil. What would any normal person do in that situation? She had a heart attack and passed away, her family accordingly suing the fast-food chain.

 

Source: Snopes

 

Other variants have been shared over time – all proved to be false.

There is a common theme among responses to these horror stories: “Just because your chicken somehow appears to be shaped exactly like dead rat, doesn’t mean it is?!!?”

Still not convinced? Don’t worry, we’re not either.

Verdict: Fake

 

#9 Tongue-eating parasite on a sea bass

Include a cymothoa exigua flesh-eating parasite on a sample of bass? That’s one way to guarantee a man becomes a sceptical vegetarian for the rest of his life.

Verdict: True

 

#10 Dead frog in a can of Pepsi

Two words: Pink linguini. That’s exactly how the thick slimy chunks found in a Pepsi can was described. Have I said too much? Definitely.

 

via GIPHY

 

Verdict: True

 

#11 Razorblade in ice-cream

It puts the ‘scream’ in ice-cream – Comfort food just got a whole lot less comforting. The incident took place in Kilgore, Texas in 2011 & the tub of frozen dessert was bought from a local Walmart.

Verdict: True

 

#12 Tooth in a block of cheese

The idiom ‘cheesy grin’ just gained a new, much more disturbing meaning. Cheese is a breeding ground for bacteria as it is so this unpleasant finding understandably raised serious health issues.

Verdict: True

 

#13 Serrated knife in Subway Sandwich

This is why it’s important to treat fast-food workers on long shifts with the utmost respect. In 2008 a Subway employee accidentally baked a six-inch serrated knife in a loaf of break. Fortunately, the unlucky customer bit into the handle, not the blade, later accepting a settlement of $20,000 USD.

Verdict: True

 

via GIPHY

 

 

 

And that’s enough Alien Foodstuff Mythbusting for one day! I know I definitely won’t be eating out for a while…

 

Josie Jakovac

Josie Jakovac is studying B Commerce (Dalyell Scholars)/B Laws at the University of Sydney. With a big mouth, a passion for people and a love for current affairs, she’s never one to shy away from a lively debate. When she’s not sipping coffee, mulling over textbooks and rapidly typing up her next article, you’ll find her beach-hopping and making music.

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