While you were asleep: St. Valentine roofies Australia, Bitcoin to dip under $900, KK has an accident

Oh dear, it’s that day again. Happy Valentine’s to the desperate, commiserations to those who invested in Bitcoin and a cheerio to Kristina. I’m going back to bed.



Valentine’s Day arrives with its usual combination of saccharine disgust.

Love is in the air, and it’s used for selling cards. Yes, it’s finally here. That one day a year when everyone’s relationship is momentarily called into question, as every sacrifice, progress and immortal moment you’ve both lived in the past twelve months rots away in place of an elbow in the ribs, and a jovial, yet very much serious claim of: ha ha, why don’t you do that for me?

Now, for those who have no-one today, and know it’s a stupid Hallmark holiday, but still hope to find someone to collectively register your resistance to it, there is still hope. Because love, despite it’s elusive difficultly exists.

Look. Even ships are doing it.



Time to lower your standards, bruh.


Bitcoin toolboxes prepare to have the jam removed from their donut.

Good news! The cresting hubris of the bitcoin crowd is quickly becoming a) ruined and b) something we can afford to participate in. According to Bloomberg, the Monopoly money (which, let’s not forget was originally invented as a currency substitute for places where the local economy was crippled by superduper inflation, lol) could drop as low as $900 if the previous nonsense boom, dotcom, could serve as a guide.


Honestly, we should be excited, not only because that annoying douchebag you knew from school who fancied himself a bitcoin maven is now losing all their money, but because we regular mortals can now join their number. I mean, I might have to wait until it costs less than $900 for a singular slice of air that has to power to simultaneously buy an oxford shirt, and loosen the underwear of all an sundry.



Keneally exhibits the dangers of hyperbole and tweeting.

Bless you, Kristina Keneally. This morning, the member of Lazarus presented the groveling populace a very important public safety message, warning of the dangers of speeding hyperbole. Now kids, making sweeping assumptions and historically esoteric references to cut down your opponent seems harmless, like a bit of a joke, because everyone laughs and that, but what happens when it all goes wrong?



That’s right, you drive straight into a telephone pole of nonsense, and then you look like a fool. Sadly, Kristina has forgotten to pump her brakes on her admonishment of Barnaby, and she had a bit of an accident as a result. Don’t avert your gaze, kids. Look at it. Looookkk at itttttt.




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