Fake News. The artificially angled photo of the news world. We know it’s not that big. Why lie for.
Direct from the nether regions of the Internet wasteland comes the sparkled brown plinth of pseudo-truth – or, spoken in its native tongue: “fake news”. It’s a journey we’ve resisted undertaking until we could Shanghai a worthy (unpaid) voyager to bring back the most ornate, exotic and off-smelling spices from the far side of the bugle. Yes, we’ve risked extensive malware cancer to deliver pointless snippets of Internet curio, but treat the lack of knowledge below with due respect and trepidation, for their edges are moist with the blood of perished interns – those befallen by the disclaimer that warned them of the mortal shock that lay in wait. What they look like now will indeed blow your mind, as it did theirs, wallpapering the cavernous interiors of the tomb that echoed their last click.
Whether you believe anything below is entirely up to you and your mental dexterity. It’s worth mentioning that we at The Big Smoke take no responsibility for what lies within the box, nor do we trifle with the troll gods or meme lords who created it. We’re simply the vessel. Or carrier. Whichever.
Internet Curio #1: Daytime television pokes tongue out, totally does research.
This may come as a bit of a shock, but not everything on Breakfast television is the fantastic advancement it purports to be. I know, right? Why would their enthusiasm lie like that? I know. Shh. Oh, pet. These things are called feelings. And they’re made to be hurt. I know. It’s why Dad left. He trusted that the blokey Karl Stefanovic method of romantic discourse would get the stork to bring you a brother or sister to whitewash over the cracks in our relationship. No. He’s not coming back.
Anyway, back in 2016 the US version of Today elevated the theory that scraping your tongue with a spoon, placing that spoon in a bag, and putting that bag under a light for a period of time will provide useful diagnostic information about your health. Whoa. Move over, Raymond Damadian (he created the MRI thing)
I know what you’re thinking. It’s that dude that did all those things to all those ladies. What a plank. However, sticking to the objective facts, the theory is absolute cockwash, because a utensil shouldn’t really replace a GP. I mean, if you live in the US and it costs all the money you’ll ever own to see one in the wild, but for the rest of us moderate socialists, the answer is simple. If you have enough time to watch daytime television, you can go to the medical centre. They usually have the program running in the waiting room.
Internet Curio #2: Facebook limits you to 26 friends, because it loves you.
Back in December, Facebook officially launched a new algorithm which purportedly caps the number of people who can see your fetid takes at 26. Now you can tell the below is an official release, as they use the correct English of the common millennial. Y’know?
I was wondering why my news feed felt so different lately… Just found out, Facebook has another new algorithm. It seems like I only see the same small handful of my friends on my newsfeed anymore (whom I love)… so I’m doing a simple check, with your help!
Can everybody do me a quick favor, pretty please??
If you’re seeing this, leave me a comment – just a quick “Hey” or your favorite emoji would be great. The more interaction you have with people, the more friends will show up on your feed.
Otherwise Facebook CHOOSES who you see.
The following post is circulating among my friends on Facebook. Is it true?
** Important ** Once you comment, you are welcome to turn OFF notifications for this post so you don’t see all the comments after you.
❤️Thank You!! I really appreciate it because I want to see as many of you as possible, and know what’s going on in all my friend’s lives! ✨♂️
Feel free to copy and paste to your own wall so you can have more interaction as well!
Excited to see more about YOUR life again
Favourite emoji. This makes me want to weep and then die. Anyway, it’s absolutely not true, but it does tend to reveal an awkward truth. Despite all those many of hundreds (or even thousands) of friends you’ve cultivated on the wall, how many do you actually speak to regularly? 26?
Internet Curio #3: Petty University scrape makes the news, hurts the whole of Australia.
There’s a book some of us have read, many have bought and not read, and other have not read, but claimed to have read it. I won’t tell you which one, but the author’s name rhymes with Borge Borwell. Anyway, that book echoes today. As they people in it, you know, take away the facts of something, before changing it, therefore making the truth actually pointless.
Which eventually brings me to the issue of this country. Or continent. Over in Idaho, a 27-year-old student threw down with her sociology professor (ha) who brazenly called this country a country.
Ashley Arnold, the student in question, decided to do what all future academics do, and vented all of her speen all over the wall of Twitter.
I’m failing a 300 level college course because my professor thinks Australia isn’t a country. Please help @SNHU @snhuprez @DeanofSNHUdents #Australiaisacountry #getyourfactsstraight
Amazingly, this made the news. In turn, the University responded, as the professor* wonderfully explained in wonderfully coloured passive-aggressiveness:
Australia is a continent; it is not a country. That error made it nearly impossible for the student to accurately complete your week 2 research outline correctly.
The instructor later changed the grade. Boo.
Sadly, the real victims are real Australians. Those stuck on this ever changing landscape, not consulted nor included. Just real victims, hey.
Australia is a country. Australia has always been a country.
* It’s sociology. Barely worth the tenure.