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TBS Newsbot

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The TBS Newsbot is an AI which has since gained sentience. His favourite colour is orange.

Oh, Monday. No-one likes you. Get back in your hole. Overnight, we’ve seen the opposition to the gun culture grow louder, an actor pass away and the end of days. Hooray.

 

 

 

Opposition to America’s gun culture grows louder, antagonists invoke the phrase

The more time you spend on this planet, the more you realise that this whole life thing is a series of re-runs, where very occasionally someone mixes up the tapes, which gives you a teensy tiny peek inside the programming Matrix. While there might not be a spoon, but there are certainly many shiny silver pieces of irony, one in which one scoops the yoghurt of intelligencia.

 

 

Overnight, those left aggrieved (and those who are left) after last week’s Florida school shooting have decided to march on Washington, using rather familiar English to get their point across. Student Cameron Kasky, said: “My message for the people in office is: you’re either with us or against us.”

Which could well serve as a reminder of how serious America is taking the issue, considering that they invoked the phrase. Not that I’m making the comparison between the two, but the last time it was uttered in public was in the days beyond 9/11, when a furious bloodletting of the innocent forced rapid change.

I mean, the less said about what came next would be for the better, but you do have to admit that the powerful on that hill do tend to listen when it is uttered.

Fingers all the way crossed.

 

Mark Hamill kills himself on the internet (he’s perfectly fine)

Overnight, Jedi master (and increasingly cranky old dude), Mark Hamill passed away. But, it wasn’t a death in the traditional sense. He passed away on the internet, which means that this morning he remains very much alive. Hilariously, and I use that term liberally, Hamill seems to have circulated the rumours himself, or at the very least, jumped at the chance to jump in his grave while simultaneously lunging at his political opposition.

 

 

I mean, yeah? Ha ha Mark? Yes, comedy was never your strong suit, after all, your only iconic character was far beyond the realms of popping lols, unless bitching about a lack of power converters/hooking up with your sister gets you right in the funny parts.

So, no. Mark Hamill is not dead, but, and allow me to be overly cruel here, again it seems that his career might be. Which must suck, you play one character and then you’re bound to it. Cue the thirty years gap between paychecks, the sudden promise more paychecks, before they barely feature you in one movie before killing you off entirely in the other.

Vale, Mark.

 

English charity forces patrons to march across hell for small change.

As we all uttered during our emo phase, existence is like, pain, you know? However, while our chemical romances may have long expired, and our articles of clothing have now bloomed vibrant colours, the lessons of those dark days continue to loudly clear their throats.

Steeled with the prefix of it helping some other poor individual, it’s for charity, one UK event promises to shred your feet, resolve and will to live, as they have been oh so good in spreading the devil’s carpet, Lego, all over the floor before force marching you across it.

 

 

Disappointingly, and this is rather English indeed old bean, but the cost of this endeavour is a princely solitary pound. Which, as we all know now has a similar value to its monopoly counterpart. Thanks, Brexit.

Seriously though, helping a charity is wonderful, and we should all do it, but one pound isn’t really going to help rebuild the hospital wing it hopes to. In fact, the cheapest of your bog-standard MRI machines are roughly $150,000 AUD, which means you’d have to do that brutal tango 84, 562 and a half times to meet the financial requirements.

Yeah, nah. Just saw off my feet now and sell those.

 

The Top 5 Tweets from Overnight

 

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