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While you were asleep: JLaw shames those who defended her, LA shows class, Cuban man cops fine

Hooley dooley, it’s morning. Overnight, JLaw threw a blanket over an internet fire, LA reached its gaudy zenith and Mark Cuban was fined for stating the obvious.

 

 

JLaw takes to the internet to criticise those who vociferously backed her up. Hot fire.

Most days, the only thing that gets us out of bed is the possibility of a really good gripe. Or the chance to survey a brand new hill to die on. Yesterday, we were presented with a potential Kilimanjaro of internet complaint, as our Ubermensch, and noted prophet of the real, Jennifer Lawrence, appeared in a wintery promotion photo, apparently forced to wear a revealing dress while the rest of the members in the photo were suitably dressed.

 

 

 

However, peel a day of the calendar, and the apparent victim herself spoke out, castigating the internet’s narrative, stating that she chose to wear the dress, and in marginalising her choice, those who shook their fists on her behalf are actually quite sexist.

 

 

Yeahhhh.

 

LA reaches peak creativity, displays worth to the world.

I’m not saying that Los Angeles is a wasteland entirely devoid of meaning and culture, but, actually, you know what, I am saying that. If you’ve been to LA, and you’re considering making the switch, on the basis that it’s just so much better, but please get checked for Hepatitis B(asic), because you’re displaying the symptoms.

Yet further evidence of this diatribe is that they elevate the speeding urban car chase, it’s kind of what they do around here for yucks, the Angelan past-time. Evade the police at full clip, just like momma (sic) used to make.

To, whit:

 

 

Only in LA, right?

I think I dislodged my retina rolling my eyes. Anyway, the genesis of LA’s love of high-speed auto chases is probably the time that orange forced the black and white and red and blue of the LAPD to track a white horse he was riding.

Actually, leaping on that thinking, but peeling out that driveway that particular morning represented the illumination of the reversing lights of our culture. All roads lead to OJ’s Rome. As that car gave us that case, which gave us that lawyer, which gave us that family.

 

via GIPHY

Don’t do murder kids. Not even once. It can hurt a lot of people.

 

 

NBA fines Mark Cuban for stating the obvious, reveals double dribbled standard.

American sports is a strange place. Many national institutions that subvert the national stereotype. You see, as George Patton pointed out, America loves a winner. It’s all about the win, the victory, and the brain lesions you can hobble you horribly the rest of your life, but hey, you won that game of high school football. Go Bears.

However, within every major sporting league a great Freudian condition exists, were terrible teams who can’t complete, choose to lose to win. You see, those who finish last get first pick at next year’s influx of talent. Therefore, at least in theory, parity will always exist. The selling off of anything of value, and filling your team with scrubs is called tanking. 

This oedipian tilt of fucking lady liberty is actually quite interesting, as many great teams in history were built on the bedrock of tanking. The key, however, is while this practice is accepted, you’re totally not allowed to admit that you’re doing it. You’re allowed to be incompetent, but you’re heaps not allowed to admit you’re not trying.

Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks (aka that guy that was in Entourage who decided to pull out of a business deal with a man named Turtle) decided to break the cardinal sin, and state that his absolute trash basketball outfit would be better served if they ‘kept losing’

Which is all the way true. As a Knicks fan, the greatest news this season was when The Porzingod blew out his ACL, as now, without him, we’re hot garbage and we’re looking good to win the lose race. However, the NBA lost their mind at Cuban, fining him the prettiest of pennies for the outburst.

 

Dudes, everyone’s doing it. You let the 76ers brazenly do it for five seasons.

 

 

The Top 5 Tweets from Overnight

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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