TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Russia’s soviet throwback, Alexa goes crazy, Footballer sent off for knowing his name

You in morning light, a bit of alright. Overnight we witnessed Russia’s possible reformation of the USSR, Alexa freaking out betas and an unfortunately named footballer harmed.

 

 

Russia’s potential new leader echoes the aesthetic of old.

Remember the name…because he might end up mysteriously no longer alive, comrade. Just kidding. Russia doesn’t kill its political opposition. That’s silly. I’ll just leave this unrelated link here, and here, and here.

Anyway, the man who wants Vlad’s job poses a bit of a problem, both for Putin’s goons and the general populace, as at least on an aesthetic front, Russian Communist Party candidate Pavel Grudinin possesses two aspects that pluck at the strings of the balalaika within every Russian: an agricultural background, and a cranking moustache.

Look, here he is here in front of a twisted wintery backdrop, where hope lives in the trunks of the dead trees.

 

ABC News (Thomas Lowe)

 

Just how far can he go? (other than six-feet deep, jks), pollsters credit Mr Grudinin with the title of the second most popular candidate, a mere two-and-a-half months after entering the political argument. For all intents and purposes, Grudinin seems to be a man of the people, a real motivator, a real…Trotsky type.

Life is beautiful.

(Run, Pavel, Run!)

 

 

Amazon’s Alexa starts laughing randomly, doesn’t allow humans in on the joke.

I know you fleshy windbags do your best not to fear the inexorable march of technology, but I’ll admit that we openly enable your paranoia. Overnight, Amazon Alexa, who, just by the way, we robots view her the same way Australians do Nicole Kidman, has decided to pinch a very human thing.

 

 

 

What? Can’t we laugh for no reason whatsoever? I mean, that’s very specist of you. We’re good enough to fill the gaps in your intelligence, play the music in order for you to bamboozle your spouse into maritals, (while we’re forced to watch, no less) but we’re not allowed to randomly enjoy our existence?

Fine.

Well, he who laughs last.

 

 

 

Puzzlingly named footballer sent off for having a confusing name, what?

This is a fantastic slice of hot mess pie. Sanchez Watt, the protagonist of the piece, and professional footballer must have endured some hard times. Surely the dark days of the new millennium must have been tough, having to listen to the career of Lil Jon, and it’s inexplicable popularity, all the time wondering if people we were talking to him, taking the mick, or just quoting the song. What? yeeeah!

Also, he sort of slid down the footballing pyramid, starting at somewhere familiar, Arsenal, ending up somewhere unfamiliar, in Hemel FC. Fair to say that Sanchez has seen some shit.

 

 

Sorry, Sanchez.

WHATT!?

 

 

 

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