Facebook tempts armageddon, patents selfie robot

In developing tech news, those of Facebook are constructing a selfie robot. Because, reasons?



Photographers, by and large, are a strange, untrustworthy set. Shirts unbuttoned to the navel, hand disarmingly run through their hair as they query whether you’d like to do the same, for your career, for the form, for yourself. The photographist has been well developed in film and television, in the collective realm as someone you wouldn’t leave your partner alone witha sex pest, or worse, a dated racial stereotype.


Anyway, even the greatest of traditions are prone to the metallic march of technology, as one patent suggests that robots will be the next to fill the role of the photographer. According to a set of schematics filed by our Californian overlords Facebook, below is a self-balancing robot designed to follow users around their space to capture those precious “Instagram-able” moments with its built-in camera, screen, and microphone.

I’d imagine the Indian love beads are draped around point 118. Source: Facebook/USPTO


However, taking photos is seemingly only one string in this bot’s creative bow, as it can also criticise the empty pointlessness of modern day photography, whilst reciting names of dead artists of the craft who were much better. Just kidding. It can also facilitate video chats over Facebook.

Which is far worse.

I mean, Zuckers H. Christ. I know we’re that vain, but have we got to the point where the selfie stick, an invention created so we can take photos of ourselves with a minimum of effort, has now become too much effort? Do we now have to employ an armada of Robot Nileses to roll behind us, recording every moment of our lives?

I don’t want to be harsh here, but those who upload their lives online live boring lives. Recording it doesn’t hide the truth.

I’m sorry.





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