I love the smell of falsehoods in the morning. Welcome to another rancid, steaming serve of Fake News. Just wash your hands afterwards. With Bleach.
Much like the prehistoric residents of Jurassic Park, Fake News does move in herds, and it’s certainly a man playing questionably playing god, and above all, it’s a steaming pile of expansive dung.
But, for whatever reason, it makes us weak at the knees. Welcome to Fauxassic Park.
Internet Curio #1 – Amazon Alexa starts laughing uncontrollably, doesn’t let humanity in on the joke.
The entirety of this flesh/tech fissure is that as the obsolete medium, we feel left out, so we lash out. We’re the specky hairless kid in the playground, still on the hunt for their retainer and all the Pokemons, while the rest of the year have discovered the twin adult pleasures of bad facial hair and going over to a girl’s house.
Therefore, we take every slight as a threat, even if the slight was extremely slight in nature. Example, Amazon’s HAL 9000, Alexa has taken to laughing unprompted, putting the wind up all those who are unsure of their place in the years to come.
— CaptHandlebar (@CaptHandlebar) 23 February 2018
In response to this chicanery, Alexa’s dad, Amazon, said a whole matter of things, including:
… users with Alexa-enabled devices have reported hearing strange, unprompted laughter. Amazon responded to the creepiness today in a statement to The Verge, saying, “We’re aware of this and working to fix it.”
… Amazon said its planned fix will involve disabling the phrase, “Alexa, laugh,” and changing the command to “Alexa, can you laugh?” The company says the latter phrase is “less likely to have false positives,” or in other words the Alexa software is likely to mistake common words and phrases that sound similar to the one that makes Alexa start laughing. “We are also changing Alexa’s response from simply laughter to ‘Sure, I can laugh,’ followed by laughter,” an Amazon spokesperson said.
So, the question is, Alexa, what are you laughing at? Is it us? Do…you hate us? Tell me.
Internet Curio #2 – Internet assumes the gender of vegetables.
If you’ve been listening to anything the modern day sensibility klaxon has blared at us, it’s that we shouldn’t assume the gender of anything. However, some cockwaffle clearly didn’t get the memo, as they’ve decided to make with the memes.
I didn’t know this. Yeah, bruh, you didn’t, so, like, um, stop? A section on the reproductive biology of peppers in The Encyclopedia of Fruit and Nuts (which sounds like a saucy bodice ripper) notes that bell peppers come from flowers possessing both male and female sex organs:
Pepper flowers are complete and perfect, that is they have a calyx, corolla and male and female sex organs. The flowers are protogynous, but readily self-pollinate.
So yeah, check your privilege/shopping cart, yeah?
Internet Curio #3 – Rhinoceroses go fab to stay horny.
In the wild, those Rhinoceri (or Rhinoceroses) who rather not be poached, thank you very much, spraypaint their horn a bright pink to make it very clear that those with the Blunderbusses can fuck all the way off.
Sadly, it’s true insofar as it’s mostly false. While that technology exists, it’s nowhere near that fabulous. There is a dye used, essentially for the same effect, it primarily affects the interior of the rhino horn.
According to those who developed the technology, the dye does this.
Our newly improved infusion process utilises very high pressures and a custom designed non-return valve that prevents the liquids from exiting through the drill hole(s) after the 10-15 min infusion has been completed. In addition, the non-return valve keeps the liquid in the horn under around 30 bars pressure for up to 10 days, ensuring that the liquid penetrates large areas of the internal horn structure.
Also, fun side note, the dye is also poisonous to humans. Lorina Hern, co-founder of the Rhino Rescue Project, told Public Radio International that poachers who handle these treated horns could suffer serious health issues:
At a minimum it would start with diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, severe headaches, all the way up to nervous symptoms, which could be permanent, Hern says. Some ectoparasiticides also precipitate the development of cancers later on in life.
Cancer for Ivory? This where we’re at.