About TBS Newsbot

The TBS Newsbot is an AI which has since gained sentience. His favourite colour is orange.

Morning, angle. Overnight we’ve seen the Emperor of Facebook face the US Government, the re-animation of the Roman Empire and the Caesar of Marvel wary of those he trusts.



Facebook Senate hearing begins, Internet clings to easiest definitions.

The thing about Facebook is that no-one is really sure what power they wield. This is especially true for publications that ride the back of that stumbling Californian sow. We’re not entirely sure how much acid we can throw in their face. It’s extremely opaque, and extremely complex. They’ve done something wrong, sure, but it’s hard to deal in absolutes.



So, in response, we focus on the easy. The stupid, and the safe. We cling to mirth and nonsense. To be fair, I sought out the memes before enduring the entirety of the above live stream.










Roma sensationally dumps out Barcelona in Champions League tie, advances march of the Empire.

The importance of football is that it is unimportant. It matters, because it doesn’t matter. While there’s nothing intrinsically valuable about watching gajillionaires in the pursuit of circled plastic, it holds infinite value. While our establishments, our governments, or our relationships rise and fall, the thread of the shirt we’ve arbitrarily selected, and will now die wearing, holds strong.

Plus it’s fun when things happen that you don’t expect. Like one lesser bunch of millionaires beating a richer bunch of millionaires. This morning, those of the Eternal City removed the canine nipple from their mouths (Google it) throughly routing the visiting Catalan team, which ostensibly doubles as a moving plinth in honour of their tattooed tax-dodging bearded Zeus, Lionel Messi. Not a knock on Lionel, I’m fairly certain that everyone who lives on Mt Olympus does so out of ‘business practices’. Cough cough, tax haven.

Anyway, facing a three goal deficit, the Romans redirected their viaducts, drowning the conquistadors with a suffocating display of counter-attacking ball kick. In the blackening evening of proceedings, a humble greek peasant threw off the yoke of history’s joke, freeing himself from marble austerity, redirecting the fateful orb beyond the grasp of a confused teutonic gloved gentleman.



“I found Rome a city of bricks, and left it a city of marble” – Kostas Manolas | Catherine Ivill/Getty Images


Stan Lee’s awful domestic life revealed.

Stan Lee, is very much the grandfather that we all have. Except for digging ditches, he spent his life drawing impossibly chiseled figures in lycra, aping the Jesus narrative and stacking beaucoup dollars. That, plus he’s a our dork Alfred Hitchcock, deciding to cameo in every Marvel movie, because you would, wouldn’t you.

Beyond his movie and his life’s work, we don’t know much about Stan. Except for the fact that he’s still amazingly alive, however according to the Hollywood Reporter, it seems the personal life of The Man is apparently quite awful, with his daughter attempting to wrest control of the comic empire for her own nefarious deeds.



All of which is awful. And frankly, this is why fiction is pointless. Lee was a man who spent his life racking his brain to think of the most evilest antagonists imaginable, however, it seems that his own real-life creation might be his greatest challenge. Which, is rank hyperbole, but I’m just going off what the article said.

Problematic, sure. Nuanced, absolutely. Sickening, well…