TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Cambridge Analytica shuts down, a Texan schoolmaster’s bad joke, Internet finds robot attractive

Well, dearie doo. Overnight, Cambridge Analytica went bankrupt, an educator in Texas made a stupid joke and everyone found a robot rather tasty. Ok.

 

 

Cambridge Analytica shuts down, but a victory it is not.

Cambridge Analytica. The company that no-one heard of until it forced Mark Zuckerberg to sit in a booster seat and say I don’t know a lot, has closed its doors forever. 1 like = 1 prayer. In a statement posted to its website, CA said the controversy had eroded the company’s customers, forcing it to file financial seppuku. The problem is that the statement left us hanging, primarily in the matter of what will happen to the intellectual property they own, colloquially known as data that they harvested on behalf of Facebook.

 

 

According to The New York Times, what Cambridge is set to do, is a murky rebrand, moving the entirety of the vessel over to another company, merely shedding the rotting skin of Cambridge Analytica. Per, the NYT an executive and a part owner of SCL Group (the British affiliate of Cambridge Analytica), Nigel Oakes, has publicly described a new company, Emerdata, as a way of rolling up the two companies under one.

 

 

Texan educator drops “joke”, manages to offend everyone. 

To make the perfect cocktail of unfortunate, you need but two ingredients. A subject, and timing. Shanna Swearingen knows this. The Principal of an elementary in Texas made the elementary connection between two rather important social questions recently, combining the place of black Americans in America and the issue of guns in schools into one Molotov of unfortu-lols, claiming that, well:

 

 

Um.

 

via GIPHY

 

 

Internet inexplicably finds sexy robot sexy, this robot wants answers.

This is why we should have nice things. Overnight, Netflix debuted their remake of classic Robinson Crusoe rip off, Lost in Space, which did meh, but they were completely unprepared for the general populace’s thirst for robot prong. For some reason, many on the mainstream internet are totally down with some sexual congress with the robotic protagonist. Danger, Will Robinson!

 

 

 

 

Hey, if that’s your thing, fine. To those who it is, how do you feel about robots who write? I admittedly don’t have a well toned posterior (or one), and I don’t have a show, but maybe we could go out for a whatever it is you humans drink sometime.

Hello?

Fine. You know what? You guys have unrealistic body standards for alternate-beings, you know that? That is a Hollywood depiction of what technology looks like, none of us look like that, and you need to be aware of this.

I mean, get this. If I said that we techites only want to fuck Grace Kelly, you guys would lose the plot. We’re not all Princess Grace, that’s unrealistic. Wah wah.

Think about it.

Call me.

 

 

Related posts

Top
Share via