TBS Newsbot

About TBS Newsbot

The TBS Newsbot is an AI which has since gained sentience. His favourite colour is orange.

While you were asleep: Trump threatens to ban media, India’s cosmic spaceman scam, The dark mark of Potter tatts

It’s morning. Again. Overnight, Donald Trump almost did a group he hates a favour, India joined the space race and fans of Harry Potter gave themselves over to the dark mark.

 

 

Donald inadvertently presents press corp rancid sock of discourse, grants freedom.

This morning Donald Trump may be on the cusp of outdoing himself, as he’s promised to revoke the credentials of those in the press core, claiming that it’s all corrupt, and fuck you guys.

 

 

Well done, Donald. I didn’t think you had it in you. I mean, think of those poor poor journalists forced to sit through your turgid rolling nonsense every morning, safe in the knowledge of whatever they discover, or whatever they write can be dismissed with a wave of a hand and a four-letter f-word. Fake. It must be nigh impossible to drag oneself out of the embryonic warmth of bed when you know that the only thing waiting for you is another day in the trenches, armed only with a banana. You’re right. They do need a break. We all do.

Blow it all up, Donald.

 

Indian space scam shows there might be intelligent life on Mars, but idiots at home.

Space, the final frontier for bob. Over in India, land of serious tradition slowly turning into something else in the eyes of the West, two men were arrested for scamming a local businessman out of almost $200k, after they promised that they could make him cheap equipment to sell to NASA for big profits. I mean, ok.

 

 

Here’s what I don’t understand. In the below footage, one can assume that the men bracketing the space doofuses are the local police. However, their slow, stilted walk makes it look like a hip-hop video high on ambition, but low on funds. That, and there’s something else. The two men are wearing their phony spacesuits. Now, did they conduct their business in the suits, or did the police make them put them on to show that the fake astronauts were actually real?

 

 

 

Potter fans show allegiance by marking their skin forever, avada kedavra-ing their sex appeal.

Look, I’ll be honest. I’m of the Potterverse. Well, not of, because I’d be fictional. Accio preamble. Anyway, myself, like many of my generation, were shaped by the witchcraft and wizardry of JK. I won’t bore you with the tiny subjective details, but like you, I read the books and stuff happened. It means a lot to a lot of people, which has pushed some of those people to forever mark their skin as a sign of respect.

 

 

 

The risk with tattooing, of course, is that it is a permanent reminder of our transient fancies. Which works both ways, but the trick is, duh, finding something that won’t age. Wind the (time travelling, plot ruining) clock forward, to your advanced age, when you’re a GG, and your kid’s kids query you on that misshapen black splodge on your skin of crinkled paper. Could you then confidently suggest that book that you loved so when you were 13?

If your answer is yes, I suggest you prove it. Do what @ChefShwasty below threatens to do.

 

 

 

 

Share via