TBS Learns To Love

Science believes that ‘punching above your weight’ doesn’t actually exist

Due to a theory called ‘assortative mating’, the world of science believes that we only ever date someone of equal attraction. 



What is love? Well, baby, I don’t want to hurt you (no more), but the grandest of all human endeavours is apparently based on the magnitude of our own selfishness. The science espoused by Dan Ariely, Duke’s Professor of Psychology and Behavioural Economics is called assortative mating.

He believes that attractiveness is a reflective force.

Or, in common parlance, that you only date someone as hot as you, and that the old rating system between 1-10 holds truest.

According to Ariely (and the rest of us), the most attractive of us, seek the most attractive. This is not exclusively kept in the realms of looks. It is those who possess beauty, intelligence and humility. The Unicorns. Those who some of us have potentially bedded by not kept.

From there, the scale of attractiveness slides down in an even fashion all the way down to the basement.

The question is, of course, is how do the majority of us, which is to the say, the middle, place ourselves in the middle? That is a tougher social question to answer, as all of us believe we’re higher on the ladder than we are. Just as the sun will crest over the sea, every five will think they’re a seven.

Now, what we already have is the subjective impartiality of online dating, where one eventually finds their place in the faces they meet. However, one still tends to attempt to hook someone above their station. Which, is charmingly hopeful, naive and mostly wrong.

Not judging, we’ve all done it. It’s a simple science. Find your number, and add two.

That, however, is very much the problem. A continuation of the hope that you could bag that one that looks like Miranda Kerr is a delusion of the self, and how hot you actually are.

It might be an unpopular suggestion, but what I propose we form is an impartial body. Someone to judge our body on our behalf.

In this alternate future, everyone will be assigned an absolute number. Therefore, everyone knows how deep their dating pool actually is. It does also finally kill off the age-old Australian delusion of punching above one’s weight, one that doesn’t exist, despite the collective whistle from the building site, or the auspices of those three beers deep, castigating a colleague for having a partner they’d very much like to fuck.

I mean, it’s worth a shot, right? You’re not getting any younger, and the longer you wait, the further you slip down the ladder. Form the board. We can populate it those sexless freaks who have nothing better to do but judge in the most shallow fashion. Incels and talent show judges.

Seems a good mix.





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