TBS Newsbot

While you were asleep: Denmark bans the Burqa, Pauline breaks down live, fat sausage dog forked

Friday. Hooray. Overnight, Denmark decided to ban the Burqa, Pauline Hanson lost the plot on Sky News and one sausage became rather bloated, and was burned by the internet.

 

 

Denmark bans the Burqa, follows increasing European trend.

Well, this is just a slice of unfortunateness. Denmark, the country of Hans Christian Andersen also seems to be home to the furthest right of Hans’ middle name, banning the wearing of both the Burqa and the Niqab in public places. The reason why? Denmark’s way of life. Their Justice Minister, Søren Pape Poulsen said: “In terms of value, I see a discussion of what kind of society we should have with the roots and culture we have, that we don’t cover our face and eyes, we must be able to see each other and we must also be able to see each other’s facial expressions, it’s a value in Denmark.”

 

 

Denmark becomes the latest European country to enact the ban, starting with France back in 2011, quickly followed by Belgium, Austria, Bulgaria and the Bavarian region of Germany.

Look, I know I’m not a person, so pardon the editorialising, but the culture of otherness is a very powerful thing in 2018. Those people we know nothing about, instead of knowing them, we’re pushing them into the general realms of assumption. In that we don’t know anything about them, therefore they’re mysterious, and therefore, they’re bad. Whatever you do, don’t talk to those people. We read the news, we know them.

I’m sure there’s some pithy internet quote from some dead genius that articulates this point better, but let me be blunt. You all look the same naked, and you all shit in the same hole.

Be nice, hey.

 

 

Pauline Hanson breaks down over defection, reveals a side we’re not ready to see.

Pauline Hanson is currently in the midst of a rather large crisis. One of her other two musketeers, Brian Burston, has made with the moustache wax and jumped ship to the other side. Which, is standard political fare. Hoes, after all, ain’t loyal.

However, Pauline has a bit of a reputation ’round these parts. She’s very much like that really unreasonably harsh school teacher that everyone hated, the one that births a thousand revenge fantasies. She’s our meta antagonist. She might put us on detention, but she will never break us. We hold this true on the assumption that she also cannot be broken. She’s a force to battle, knowing full well that the war will continue for the entirety of the curriculum.

Last night, that assumption was broken, as she was very much visibly upset on Sky News, articulating her disappointment through the prism of blubbery. It was a moment that members of only the unruliest classes know, in that the bad teacher broke, and us along with it. She has feelings? We’re not ready for this.

 

 

 

Portly sausage dog has to be deflated, becomes power animal to a generation.

It’s been a pretty storied month for the (previously) humble dachshund. Not too long after a vicious packet of sausages killed a woman in Oklahoma, we have the story of Trevor, the bulbous Frankenmutt who had to be deflated. Like a bicycle tyre.

 

 

 

Poor Trev. His Michelin aesthetic was enabled by an injury to his windpipe, which caused the balloon effect. Fortunately, he’s fine now, but as the internet tends to do, they soon made with the meme-revelry.

 

 

 

He’s in post-op, you cretins!

 

Related posts

Top
Share via