Andrew Wicks

Don’t blame us for your NBN, Bill Morrow

Yesterday, gamers were blamed for the failings of the NBN. We’ve always been an easy target. Maybe we should form our own lobby. Vote 1, The Lan Party?

 

 

Yesterday, the head of the NBN, Bill Morrow, took to the media to expose himself as either a fool or an extremely astute politician. Nevertheless, he decided to take the path that many before have taken, and blamed us to cover his own ineptitude. It’s not that the NBN is broken, it’s just being used. That’s the problem.

As is the attachment of the blame. To be honest, the gaming community is a storied one to blame. We’re the easy go-to.

School shootings? Blame the gamersTurning a cartoon frog into a nuevo-Swastika? Blame the gamers.  Using the internet? Gamers.

I’m not going to hide behind the hashtag #NotAllGamers, because in Morrow’s head, we’re all the same. We’re a hardy, resourceful bunch, ready to forever accept your limp criticism. We are, after all, a rag-tag collection of ne’er do wells, those who reside in basements, those who survive on sardonicism and mi goreng and ne’er have we felt the kiss of either the sun or another. We’re all awful creatures, certainly not good people. We’re using the precious gift you articulated for less than noble means, and worse than that, we’re taking it all for ourselves. We’re greedy. We’re democracy manifest. If we went outside to play, then the NBN would work perfectly, and it’d fine and dandy for good and fine Australians – those who only use it for 5 minutes a day to check what the weather might be tomorrow; those who can be trusted with the responsibility of the internet.

It is a resource to possess, but not use. How dare we, Bill.

There’s a great South Park parody of this thinking, where the residents have to endure a world where the internet has run out. I’d very much like to show you to illustrate my point, but my NBN isn’t fast enough to find it.

The entirety of this moronic clusterboink revealed itself during the Senate estimates, with Bill Morrow considering a policy of “fair use” for fixed wireless, so that those who use it most can do with less. The plan is to deliberately slow down the network during peak times. Why? In the words of Morrow: “It’s gamers predominantly, on fixed wireless.”

Right. The fact that Guam has faster internet than us prior to Morrow’s proposed slow-down to keep it working is beyond ridiculous. No slight on Guam, but our current speed is both impractical and embarrassing, as is Morrow’s plan to solve it.

Just admit that you fucked up, Bill, and this problem is of your own design. Don’t blame those who were forced to make a decision to choo-choo choose you, Pops.

Perhaps this moment presents us an opportunity. Perhaps we gamers need to use our vast community to suit our own ends. We already paint the walls with unison complaint, but they’re our walls. Perhaps we need to bring our tone to the corridors of power. If the Hunters, Fishers and Whoevers have their own party, why not gamers? All we desire is a consideration according to our own interests. After all, there’s at least one gamer in every family in Australia. All we seek is what we deserve – what we pay for according to the standard that was promised.

And if we can’t get that, then we deserve accountability. Where’s our 25mbps?

To use gaming parlance, Mr Morrow, we cordially invite you to 1v1 us, bro, so we can explain the depth of your misunderstanding.

 

 

Andrew Wicks

Andrew Wicks is a country boy with a penchant for movies and sport. After a few years working in health, he decided he'd rather work with today's youth and studied arts and education in rural NSW. His main interests are religion, health and lairy shirts.

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