While you were asleep: Donald will now cage everyone, Russia’s Russian narrative, Chicken Alfredo and jail

Well. This morning Donald Trump listened to criticism, the World Cup in Russia went the full borscht and ‘Chicken Alfredo and Sprite’ entered the lexicon.



Donald reverses his ‘caged kids’ border policy, promises to let everyone in.

This morning, the masked figure of empathy swung through the windows of the White House, vice gripping Donald’s writing hand, forcing him to scrawl a reversal of his plan to separate kids and parents at the border, relocating the former to a cage.

After facing volanic scorn from pretty much everyone, Donald backed down. Sort of. Upon reversing the measure, Don said: “The border is just as tough. But we do want to keep families together…we are keeping the family together.”



Which just sounds a lot like the cages will remain, but now everyone will be in it. Problem…solved?




World Cup invaded by the forces of Russian narrative, struggle is rewarded with defeat.

Over in Russia, it was an evening of boosted narrative. While Spain, Portugal and Uruguay, three teams with great talent were expected to win, they did so unimpressively, all scraping by via the anaemic 1-0 scoreline. Sadly, because it was close, it was deemed as so close, as three nations of humble talent were able to castigate their misfortune/abject bullshit this morning over breakfast tables in the Kingdom, in Marrakesh and Tehran. Which is important.

You almost won. Just like we almost (not really) beat France.





There’s a telling statistic, which makes me believe that there’s something afoot. The 0-0 draw is an important part of football, as it remains a reason for detractors to stay away. The points are shared, and those who watch the game to complain remain alienated. Everyone wins by not winning.



It’s important. Especially if you consider the location of the World Cup. Russian literature is defined by herculean struggle and eventual loss. You might be looking out a window at a seagull, you might be throwing down with the landlord, you might be trying to sleaze your way into high society. Either way, you struggle, then you lose, and you deserved it.

I’m not saying that Russia bought the World Cup, but it has an extremely Russian flavour to it.

It’s a Tol Story.



Man attempts to woo cop with Chicken Alfredo, will now have to endure prison food.



Before you laugh, know that it is a crime. Attempting to woo kids into bed is not right, and Alfredo is not pasta. The above dude in question, 23-year-old Albert Murana thought he was speaking to a 15-year-old online, only to discover that he was actually trying to tempt a policeman through the culinary excellence of Chicken Alfredo and Sprite with a side of lube. Along with much house arrest, he’ll also spend a week in jail.

Now, what I know about jail, is that the cons can not stomach two things. Reconstituted pasta and sex offenders. One can only assume that Mr Murana is about to have his sachet significantly tossed sans lubricant.




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