While you were asleep: Japan slowly kills game, Ed Sheeran sued again, Breaking Bad turns ten

Friday! Good morning parts to you! Overnight, Japan made football cry, Ed Sheeran was sued for plagiarism and Breaking Bad is now six years away from getting its licence. Uncle HaaaAAannkk.



Japan passes it to centre, back to the wing, back to centre, holds it. Holds it. Holds it.

For many World Cup casuals, the greatest show on turf has been defined by a Simpsons joke. Those who know the game attempt to hide behind the marble pillar of ‘tactics’, but it’s a point made of glass, as the detractors can see through it. Last night, the defensible became indefensible when Poland took on Japan, with the latter needing a solitary point, and a solitary goal to get through to the knockout stages.

They got neither. But, due to FIFA’s rule of ‘nice guys finishing first’, Japan was faced with a pickle. As the game marched into the late minutes, with Poland winning 1-0, news filtered through that Colombia had scored against Senegal. If the results held, then Japan would go through by virtue of yellow cards not won. So, Japan would win if they did nothing. No goals, no cards, no nothing.

And nothing was certainly what they did.

Suddenly, what was a furious game of end-to-end revelry became labouriously lame, with spectators and commentators alike trying to justify the fuckery. It didn’t really show up in the highlights, obviously, but the angst was palpable, the chorus of boos underpinned by Peter Drury slipping from worn positive metaphor to a plea for the referee to just call the game so we can all go home.

In the above video, at about the minute mark, Poland look to advance the clock by bringing on a sub, which was denied as the ball never went out of play. The substitute was Jakub Blaszczykowski, a fine player who won a century of caps for Poland, with the final substitution doubling as a plinth to honour the retiring titan.

That didn’t happen, and instead we were brought to climax by the apathetic hand of the referee. Japan are through to the knockout phases. Make the pain stop.


Elsewhere, Belgium met England. Which was a tie interesting purely on the basis of subtext. Belgium, ostensibly, are becoming the new England. An embarrassment of riches squandered, a golden generation of talent carted off to the hock shop to trade for vast disappointment.

With both teams already through, it came down to honour. Well, maybe not honour, but certainly not embarrassing yourself.



Oh, well.

With the group stage now complete, here’s the official version of who faces whom.




Marvin Gaye’s people start suing out loud, want $100 million billion dollars from Ed Sheeran.

Ed Sheeran has had a rather tough year. Not only has he lost the title of the world’s most preeminent ginger, as Prince Harry has taken the crown, he’s also being sued by Marvin Gaye’s people for his apparent rip off of Let’s get it on for this own track Thinking out loud. The family of Ed Townsend, the co-writer of Marvin’s banger accused Edward of lifting the melody, harmony and even the blessed rhythmic components, and they’d very much like $100 million dollars, please.



I mean, I’m not going to judge automatically without listening to both tracks. I can’t stand Ed Sheeran’s music. But I love Marvin Gaye’s. Odd. Maybe Ed is innocent?

Here’s what I don’t get about musical plagiarism, especially in Ed’s case. If you’re going to rip someone off, either do it to someone nobody knows, or do it when yourself is not known. I mean, if you’re guilty, Ed, of course you were going to be caught.

You’re Ed Sheeran.


Breaking Bad cast reunites for anniversary, takes a cannon to the show’s canon.

And finally, it’s been a decade since Walter Hartwell White decided to give up his lucrative teaching position to go live in a van and shout at a millennial. Best show on TV. To celebrate the anniversary, all the characters decided to group together in a shed in an effort to totally fuck the continuity of the show.



I mean, what? Hank is still alive? Mike Ehrmantraut is his usual glum self. And Walter has hair? What in the name of blue meth is this sorcery?

Although, must be said, I’m glad that the pizza that Walt flung up on the roof got a look in. Best character in the show, should have done more with him.

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